Volkswagen Beetle and the Rolls Royce
A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do.."
"I got one too... see?" the Texan says.
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."
"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan.
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? Its right here!" brags the Texan.
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, "So, do you have a double bed in back there?"
The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Texan replies.
The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives allover town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.
The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.
======================= (It's ok... The joke is CLEAN.)======================
The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy with the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan, "What's up?"
"Check this out...I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
The Texan exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?"
Received from Max Lee.
--
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Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
How to "Spin" the truth
Republican Version
Hillary Clinton's great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in
character, was Hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana.
He was hanged in 1889. The only known Photograph of Remus shows him
standing on the Gallows.
On the back of the picture is this Inscription: "Remus Rodham; horse
thief, sent to Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, Robbed the
Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted
and hanged in 1889."
Democrat Version
Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His
business empire grew to Include acquisition of valuable equestrian
assets And intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in
1883, he devoted several years of his Life to service at a government
facility, finally Taking leave to resume his dealings with the
Railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital Investigation run
by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away
during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform
upon which he was standing collapsed.
Hillary Clinton's great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in
character, was Hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana.
He was hanged in 1889. The only known Photograph of Remus shows him
standing on the Gallows.
On the back of the picture is this Inscription: "Remus Rodham; horse
thief, sent to Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, Robbed the
Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted
and hanged in 1889."
Democrat Version
Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His
business empire grew to Include acquisition of valuable equestrian
assets And intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in
1883, he devoted several years of his Life to service at a government
facility, finally Taking leave to resume his dealings with the
Railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital Investigation run
by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away
during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform
upon which he was standing collapsed.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Cherokee Legend
-------------------------------------------------
Cherokee Legend
================
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
~Author Unknown~
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/7316.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
Give a friend the gift of MountainWings.
See you tomorrow.
Cherokee Legend
================
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
~Author Unknown~
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/7316.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
Give a friend the gift of MountainWings.
See you tomorrow.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
The Parachute
The Parachute?
===============
Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate,
was a jet fighter pilot in Vietnam.
After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a
surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy
hands. He was captured and spent six years in a communist
Vietnamese prison.
He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from
that experience.
One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant,
a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew
jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk.
You were shot down!"
"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute," the man replied.
Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude.
The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"
Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked,
I wouldn't be here today."
Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man.
Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he might have looked like in
a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom
trousers.
I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said
"Good morning," "How are you?" or anything because, you see,
I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor.
Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long
wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the
shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his
hands each time, the fate of someone he didn't know.
Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?"
Everyone has someone who provides what he or she needs to make
it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many
kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy
territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental
parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute.
He called on all these supports before reaching safety.
Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss
what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or
thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has
happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice
for no reason.
As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize
those people who pack your parachute.
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1200.htm
===============
Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate,
was a jet fighter pilot in Vietnam.
After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a
surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy
hands. He was captured and spent six years in a communist
Vietnamese prison.
He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from
that experience.
One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant,
a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew
jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk.
You were shot down!"
"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute," the man replied.
Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude.
The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"
Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked,
I wouldn't be here today."
Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man.
Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he might have looked like in
a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom
trousers.
I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said
"Good morning," "How are you?" or anything because, you see,
I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor.
Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long
wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the
shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his
hands each time, the fate of someone he didn't know.
Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?"
Everyone has someone who provides what he or she needs to make
it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many
kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy
territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental
parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute.
He called on all these supports before reaching safety.
Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss
what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or
thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has
happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice
for no reason.
As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize
those people who pack your parachute.
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1200.htm
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
The Grade
-------------------------------------------------
The Grade
==========
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior
organic biology students about to hand out the final
exam.
"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this
semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and
many of you are off to medical school after summer. So
that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have
been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would
like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the
course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up,
walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his
offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked
out over the handful of remaining students and asked,
"Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those
students remaining.
"I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said.
"You all get 'A's."
How many have taken the easy way out?
The short road, the easy path, the light load,
all lead to lower grades in the school of life.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1198.htm
The Grade
==========
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior
organic biology students about to hand out the final
exam.
"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this
semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and
many of you are off to medical school after summer. So
that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have
been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would
like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the
course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up,
walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his
offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked
out over the handful of remaining students and asked,
"Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those
students remaining.
"I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said.
"You all get 'A's."
How many have taken the easy way out?
The short road, the easy path, the light load,
all lead to lower grades in the school of life.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1198.htm
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