Today's CleanLaugh - "The 12 Politically Correct Days of Christmas"
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically-imposed midwinter festival, my potential acquaintance gave to me,
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18 member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)
TEN melanin-deprived, testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically-disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally-protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen, nonhuman animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally-sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after a member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled, processed tree carcasses,
and a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
The above is from:
The Cybersalt Digest a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Christmas Love
The following illustration is from:
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
I don't usually go for different versions of the "Love Chapter" (1 Corinthians 13), but I like this one.
+++++++++++++++++++
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen,
baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
preparing gourmet meals
and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime:
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another cook.
If I work at a soup kitchen
carol in the nursing home,
and give all that I have to charity;
but do not show love to my family,
it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels
and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties
and sing in the choir's cantata
but do not focus on Christ,
I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home
that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way,
but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return;
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things
endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break,
pearl necklaces will be lost,
golf clubs will rust;
But giving the gift of love will endure.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
I don't usually go for different versions of the "Love Chapter" (1 Corinthians 13), but I like this one.
+++++++++++++++++++
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen,
baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
preparing gourmet meals
and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime:
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another cook.
If I work at a soup kitchen
carol in the nursing home,
and give all that I have to charity;
but do not show love to my family,
it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels
and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties
and sing in the choir's cantata
but do not focus on Christ,
I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home
that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way,
but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return;
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things
endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break,
pearl necklaces will be lost,
golf clubs will rust;
But giving the gift of love will endure.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
An Advent Lesson
The following is from John Mark Reynolds Blog.
Turning a Corner to Paradise: An Advent Lesson
Advent remembers and anticipates two appearances of Christ. First, we recall his Incarnation when the Word became Flesh. Second, we look forward to his Second Coming when He will come as King to rule on the Earth.
Mary and Joseph went on a weary journey and suddenly Bethlehem was not just a little town anymore.
They turned a corner and Paradise came down.
Someday, perhaps soon, we will turn a corner and the trumpet will sound, the dead will rise, and Christ will return.
We will turn a corner and Paradise will come down.
Mongolia is not Los Angeles, but it was a classroom for me about this reality.
A group of about twenty Torrey Honors students and my family went at the invitation of Campus Crusade and the Mongolian government to do a series of meetings in the schools. Watching my students respond, mostly without complaint, to difficult circumstances showed their quality. Having a chance to share the gospel with them, seeing what we had learned in the classroom matter in eternity, revealed what we had done well in Torrey and what we could do better.
Most of all I remember seeing an upperclassman, Angela Good, come into her own. She loved missions, education, and great conversations and we were involved in all three. We were all moved by teachers forced to do great work with poor resources.
Angie came home and began a Torrey project to send school supplies to those teachers. It was one of her last acts. She would graduate to a greater school that fall following a car accident.
From the moment I got what my family now simply calls “the call,” I have seldom forgotten that what we do is not the only thing that impacts eternity. We are, all of us, just one step from the eternal Kingdom. I have never forgotten Angie and I have never forgotten the truth that any one of us might turn a corner and find ourselves with Christ in Paradise.
What have you done about it?
Turning a Corner to Paradise: An Advent Lesson
Advent remembers and anticipates two appearances of Christ. First, we recall his Incarnation when the Word became Flesh. Second, we look forward to his Second Coming when He will come as King to rule on the Earth.
Mary and Joseph went on a weary journey and suddenly Bethlehem was not just a little town anymore.
They turned a corner and Paradise came down.
Someday, perhaps soon, we will turn a corner and the trumpet will sound, the dead will rise, and Christ will return.
We will turn a corner and Paradise will come down.
Mongolia is not Los Angeles, but it was a classroom for me about this reality.
A group of about twenty Torrey Honors students and my family went at the invitation of Campus Crusade and the Mongolian government to do a series of meetings in the schools. Watching my students respond, mostly without complaint, to difficult circumstances showed their quality. Having a chance to share the gospel with them, seeing what we had learned in the classroom matter in eternity, revealed what we had done well in Torrey and what we could do better.
Most of all I remember seeing an upperclassman, Angela Good, come into her own. She loved missions, education, and great conversations and we were involved in all three. We were all moved by teachers forced to do great work with poor resources.
Angie came home and began a Torrey project to send school supplies to those teachers. It was one of her last acts. She would graduate to a greater school that fall following a car accident.
From the moment I got what my family now simply calls “the call,” I have seldom forgotten that what we do is not the only thing that impacts eternity. We are, all of us, just one step from the eternal Kingdom. I have never forgotten Angie and I have never forgotten the truth that any one of us might turn a corner and find ourselves with Christ in Paradise.
What have you done about it?
Three Things To Think About
1. Cows
2. The Constitution, and
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves also, right to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shall Not Steal,' 'Thou Shall Not Covet', and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
2. The Constitution, and
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves also, right to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shall Not Steal,' 'Thou Shall Not Covet', and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
