This post is being written on a computer in the lobby of our hotel in Ashville, NC.
Our trip thus far has been very good. The two day trip getting to North Carolina was quite tiring but the three days we stayed in an inn was able to get us back to feeling like we were on vacation. We have been touring around Ashville and up and down Blue Ridge Parkway. This is beautiful country and we have much more to see.
I will try to post later on the trip.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday, June 06, 2008
BLOG Pause and several good ones
This will probably be the last post for about four weeks and maybe more. I will be leaving today to pick up my daughter in Houston and then head for North Carolina where we will spend two weeks touring that area. After that I will attend a three day seminar at the Billy Graham Cove. Following that I will leisurely travel back home taking my own sweet time enjoying the country and friends.
The following are items I intended to post as needed and decided to give them all to you at one time. These came to me from several different email buddies. Thank you one and all for your wonderful contributions!!
See you in about a month or more. Please pray for a safe trip.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
CATHOLIC SHAMPOO
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, 'This is for washing our hair.' Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.
'The curlers are on me.'
PRICELESS
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused Her to fall into a deep coma.
After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins -- a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your Brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's Name?"
"Denise," the doctor answers.
The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I was Wrong about my brother.
I really like the name Denise." Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's soft-ball there.'
Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.' Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
At midnight a few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'
'Who is it?' asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'
'Barb -- it's me, Rose.'
'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'
'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice.
'Rose! Where are you?'
'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'
'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.
'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's Softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us
are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.'
'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'
'You're pitching Tuesday.'
++++++++++++++++++
It happened every Friday evening, almost without fail, when the sun resembled a giant orange and was starting to dip into the blue ocean.
Old Ed came strolling along the beach to his favorite pier. Clutched in his bony hand was a bucket of shrimp. Ed walks out to the end of the pier, where it seems he almost has the world to himself. The glow of the sun is a golden bronze now.
Everybody's gone, except for a few joggers on the beach. Standing out on the end of the pier, Ed is alone with his thoughts....and his bucket of shrimp. Before long, however, he is no longer alone. Up in the sky a thousand white dots come screeching and squawking, winging their way toward that lanky frame standing there on the end of the pier. Before long, dozens of seagulls have enveloped him, their wings fluttering and flapping wildly. Ed stands there tossing shrimp to the hungry birds.
As he does, if you listen closely, you can hear him say with a smile, "Thank you. Thank you."
In a few short minutes the bucket is empty. But Ed doesn't leave. He stands there lost in thought, as though transported to another time and place. Invariably, one of the gulls lands on his sea-bleached, weather-beaten hat - an old military hat he's been wearing for years. When he finally turns around and begins to walk back toward the beach, a few of the birds hop along the pier with him until he gets to the stairs, and then they, too, fly away. And old Ed quietly makes his way down to the end of the beach and on home.
If you were sitting there on the pier with your fishing line in the water, Ed might seem like "a funny old duck," as my dad used to say. Or, "a guy that's a sandwich shy of a picnic," as my kids might say. To onlookers, he's just another old codger, lost in his own weird world, feeding the seagulls with a bucket full of shrimp. To the onlooker, rituals can look either very strange or very empty. They can seem altogether unimportant ....maybe even a lot of nonsense. Old folks often do strange things, at least in the eyes of Boomers and Busters.
Most of them would probably write Old Ed off, down there in Florida. That's too bad. They'd do well to know him better. His full name: Eddie Rickenbacker. He was a famous hero back in World War II. On one of his flying missions across the Pacific, he and his seven-member crew went down. Miraculously, all of the men survived, crawled out of their plane, and climbed into a life raft.
Captain Rickenbacker and his crew floated for days on the rough waters of the Pacific. They fought the sun. They fought sharks. Most of all, they fought hunger. By the eighth day their rations ran out. No food. No water. They were hundreds of miles from land and no one knew where they were. They needed a miracle. That afternoon they had a simple devotional service and prayed for a miracle. They tried to nap. Eddie leaned back and pulled his military cap over his nose. Time dragged. All he could hear was the slap of the waves against the raft.
Suddenly, Eddie felt something land on the top of his cap. It was a seagull! Old Ed would later describe how he sat perfectly still, planning his next move. With a flash of his hand and a squawk from the gull, he managed to grab it and wring its neck. He tore the feathers off, and he and his starving crew made a meal - a very slight meal for eight men - of it. Then they used the intestines for bait. With it, they caught fish, which gave them food and more bait......and the cycle continued. With that simple survival technique, they were able to endure the rigors of the sea until they were found and rescued. (after 24 days at sea...)
Eddie Rickenbacker lived many years beyond that ordeal, but he never forgot the sacrifice of that first lifesaving seagull. And he never stopped saying, "Thank you." That's why almost every Friday night he would walk to the end of the pier with a bucket f ull of shrimp and a heart full of gratitude.
(Max Lucado, In The Eye of the Storm, pp.221, 225-226)
PS: Eddie was also an Ace in WW I and started Eastern Airlines.
++++++++++++++++
The following are items I intended to post as needed and decided to give them all to you at one time. These came to me from several different email buddies. Thank you one and all for your wonderful contributions!!
See you in about a month or more. Please pray for a safe trip.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
CATHOLIC SHAMPOO
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, 'This is for washing our hair.' Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.
'The curlers are on me.'
PRICELESS
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused Her to fall into a deep coma.
After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins -- a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your Brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's Name?"
"Denise," the doctor answers.
The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I was Wrong about my brother.
I really like the name Denise." Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's soft-ball there.'
Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.' Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
At midnight a few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'
'Who is it?' asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'
'Barb -- it's me, Rose.'
'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'
'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice.
'Rose! Where are you?'
'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'
'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.
'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's Softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us
are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.'
'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'
'You're pitching Tuesday.'
++++++++++++++++++
It happened every Friday evening, almost without fail, when the sun resembled a giant orange and was starting to dip into the blue ocean.
Old Ed came strolling along the beach to his favorite pier. Clutched in his bony hand was a bucket of shrimp. Ed walks out to the end of the pier, where it seems he almost has the world to himself. The glow of the sun is a golden bronze now.
Everybody's gone, except for a few joggers on the beach. Standing out on the end of the pier, Ed is alone with his thoughts....and his bucket of shrimp. Before long, however, he is no longer alone. Up in the sky a thousand white dots come screeching and squawking, winging their way toward that lanky frame standing there on the end of the pier. Before long, dozens of seagulls have enveloped him, their wings fluttering and flapping wildly. Ed stands there tossing shrimp to the hungry birds.
As he does, if you listen closely, you can hear him say with a smile, "Thank you. Thank you."
In a few short minutes the bucket is empty. But Ed doesn't leave. He stands there lost in thought, as though transported to another time and place. Invariably, one of the gulls lands on his sea-bleached, weather-beaten hat - an old military hat he's been wearing for years. When he finally turns around and begins to walk back toward the beach, a few of the birds hop along the pier with him until he gets to the stairs, and then they, too, fly away. And old Ed quietly makes his way down to the end of the beach and on home.
If you were sitting there on the pier with your fishing line in the water, Ed might seem like "a funny old duck," as my dad used to say. Or, "a guy that's a sandwich shy of a picnic," as my kids might say. To onlookers, he's just another old codger, lost in his own weird world, feeding the seagulls with a bucket full of shrimp. To the onlooker, rituals can look either very strange or very empty. They can seem altogether unimportant ....maybe even a lot of nonsense. Old folks often do strange things, at least in the eyes of Boomers and Busters.
Most of them would probably write Old Ed off, down there in Florida. That's too bad. They'd do well to know him better. His full name: Eddie Rickenbacker. He was a famous hero back in World War II. On one of his flying missions across the Pacific, he and his seven-member crew went down. Miraculously, all of the men survived, crawled out of their plane, and climbed into a life raft.
Captain Rickenbacker and his crew floated for days on the rough waters of the Pacific. They fought the sun. They fought sharks. Most of all, they fought hunger. By the eighth day their rations ran out. No food. No water. They were hundreds of miles from land and no one knew where they were. They needed a miracle. That afternoon they had a simple devotional service and prayed for a miracle. They tried to nap. Eddie leaned back and pulled his military cap over his nose. Time dragged. All he could hear was the slap of the waves against the raft.
Suddenly, Eddie felt something land on the top of his cap. It was a seagull! Old Ed would later describe how he sat perfectly still, planning his next move. With a flash of his hand and a squawk from the gull, he managed to grab it and wring its neck. He tore the feathers off, and he and his starving crew made a meal - a very slight meal for eight men - of it. Then they used the intestines for bait. With it, they caught fish, which gave them food and more bait......and the cycle continued. With that simple survival technique, they were able to endure the rigors of the sea until they were found and rescued. (after 24 days at sea...)
Eddie Rickenbacker lived many years beyond that ordeal, but he never forgot the sacrifice of that first lifesaving seagull. And he never stopped saying, "Thank you." That's why almost every Friday night he would walk to the end of the pier with a bucket f ull of shrimp and a heart full of gratitude.
(Max Lucado, In The Eye of the Storm, pp.221, 225-226)
PS: Eddie was also an Ace in WW I and started Eastern Airlines.
++++++++++++++++
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Preacher's Donkey
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go was to say, "Hallelujah!"
The only way to make the donkey stop was to say, "Amen!"
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions.
"Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.
"This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah" he rode off, very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through the mountains. As he headed towards a cliff, he tried to remember the word to make the donkey stop.
"Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going.
"Oh, no..."
"Bible...Church!...Please! Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.
Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer: "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain. In Jesus' name, AMEN."
The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.
"HALLELUJAH!" shouted the man.
Received from Lisa.
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
The only way to make the donkey stop was to say, "Amen!"
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions.
"Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.
"This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah" he rode off, very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through the mountains. As he headed towards a cliff, he tried to remember the word to make the donkey stop.
"Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going.
"Oh, no..."
"Bible...Church!...Please! Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.
Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer: "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain. In Jesus' name, AMEN."
The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.
"HALLELUJAH!" shouted the man.
Received from Lisa.
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Several good ones
Meeting With the Board
=======================
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service.
The first man to arrive was a stranger.
"You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board," said the minister.
"I know," said the man.
"If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet him."
+++++++++++++++++++++
=======================
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service.
The first man to arrive was a stranger.
"You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board," said the minister.
"I know," said the man.
"If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet him."
+++++++++++++++++++++
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Moral to this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
Another good thing to remember: When you are wrong admit it, when you are right, keep your mouth shut!
++++++++++++++++
COUNSELING - SOUTHERN STYLE
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits, sips his beer and says, "Better think it over - - - -women like that are hard to find."
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Moral to this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
Another good thing to remember: When you are wrong admit it, when you are right, keep your mouth shut!
++++++++++++++++
COUNSELING - SOUTHERN STYLE
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits, sips his beer and says, "Better think it over - - - -women like that are hard to find."
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Sick Leave
I urgently needed a few days off work, But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so, that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "...And where do you think you're going?!"
(You're gonna love this....)
She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.”
Thank you B. Farland for this great piece of humor!!
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so, that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "...And where do you think you're going?!"
(You're gonna love this....)
She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.”
Thank you B. Farland for this great piece of humor!!
Monday, June 02, 2008
School Excuses
The following notes from parents excusing their children from attending school have been around a while but if you haven't seen them, I'm sure you will get a kick out of them:
"Please excuse Freddie from being away yesterday because he had the fuel."
"Please accuse Michael from being absent on January 30 because he was aleing."
"George was absent yesterday because of a sore trout."
"Please excuse Betsey from being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."
"Joseph has been absent becuz he had two teeth taken off his face."
"My son is under doctor's care and should not take fisical education. Please execute him."
"Please excuse Ralph from school on Friday. He had very loose vowels."
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
"Please excuse Freddie from being away yesterday because he had the fuel."
"Please accuse Michael from being absent on January 30 because he was aleing."
"George was absent yesterday because of a sore trout."
"Please excuse Betsey from being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."
"Joseph has been absent becuz he had two teeth taken off his face."
"My son is under doctor's care and should not take fisical education. Please execute him."
"Please excuse Ralph from school on Friday. He had very loose vowels."
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Sunday, June 01, 2008
In His Hands
"In His Hands"
We know not what tomorrow brings
... Although we plan ahead
For only God alone can know
... the pathway we must tread.
We cannot know the future
... not one minute nor one hour
Each circumstance that we must face
... lay only in His power.
It's vital that we live by faith
... from minute unto minute
And trusting that each step we take
... He's walking with us in it.
We cannot see the future
... nor the trials we must face
But in all things, God promised us
... sufficiency of grace.
This alone should give us hope
... whatever be our plans
In knowing that our future lies
... in His sweet, loving hands.
-Betty Purser Patten
From Pastor Tim: The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communications
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
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