Today's CleanLaugh - "The 12 Politically Correct Days of Christmas"
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically-imposed midwinter festival, my potential acquaintance gave to me,
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18 member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)
TEN melanin-deprived, testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically-disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally-protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen, nonhuman animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally-sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after a member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled, processed tree carcasses,
and a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
The above is from:
The Cybersalt Digest a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Christmas Love
The following illustration is from:
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
I don't usually go for different versions of the "Love Chapter" (1 Corinthians 13), but I like this one.
+++++++++++++++++++
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen,
baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
preparing gourmet meals
and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime:
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another cook.
If I work at a soup kitchen
carol in the nursing home,
and give all that I have to charity;
but do not show love to my family,
it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels
and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties
and sing in the choir's cantata
but do not focus on Christ,
I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home
that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way,
but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return;
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things
endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break,
pearl necklaces will be lost,
golf clubs will rust;
But giving the gift of love will endure.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
I don't usually go for different versions of the "Love Chapter" (1 Corinthians 13), but I like this one.
+++++++++++++++++++
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen,
baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
preparing gourmet meals
and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime:
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another cook.
If I work at a soup kitchen
carol in the nursing home,
and give all that I have to charity;
but do not show love to my family,
it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels
and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties
and sing in the choir's cantata
but do not focus on Christ,
I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home
that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way,
but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return;
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things
endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break,
pearl necklaces will be lost,
golf clubs will rust;
But giving the gift of love will endure.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
An Advent Lesson
The following is from John Mark Reynolds Blog.
Turning a Corner to Paradise: An Advent Lesson
Advent remembers and anticipates two appearances of Christ. First, we recall his Incarnation when the Word became Flesh. Second, we look forward to his Second Coming when He will come as King to rule on the Earth.
Mary and Joseph went on a weary journey and suddenly Bethlehem was not just a little town anymore.
They turned a corner and Paradise came down.
Someday, perhaps soon, we will turn a corner and the trumpet will sound, the dead will rise, and Christ will return.
We will turn a corner and Paradise will come down.
Mongolia is not Los Angeles, but it was a classroom for me about this reality.
A group of about twenty Torrey Honors students and my family went at the invitation of Campus Crusade and the Mongolian government to do a series of meetings in the schools. Watching my students respond, mostly without complaint, to difficult circumstances showed their quality. Having a chance to share the gospel with them, seeing what we had learned in the classroom matter in eternity, revealed what we had done well in Torrey and what we could do better.
Most of all I remember seeing an upperclassman, Angela Good, come into her own. She loved missions, education, and great conversations and we were involved in all three. We were all moved by teachers forced to do great work with poor resources.
Angie came home and began a Torrey project to send school supplies to those teachers. It was one of her last acts. She would graduate to a greater school that fall following a car accident.
From the moment I got what my family now simply calls “the call,” I have seldom forgotten that what we do is not the only thing that impacts eternity. We are, all of us, just one step from the eternal Kingdom. I have never forgotten Angie and I have never forgotten the truth that any one of us might turn a corner and find ourselves with Christ in Paradise.
What have you done about it?
Turning a Corner to Paradise: An Advent Lesson
Advent remembers and anticipates two appearances of Christ. First, we recall his Incarnation when the Word became Flesh. Second, we look forward to his Second Coming when He will come as King to rule on the Earth.
Mary and Joseph went on a weary journey and suddenly Bethlehem was not just a little town anymore.
They turned a corner and Paradise came down.
Someday, perhaps soon, we will turn a corner and the trumpet will sound, the dead will rise, and Christ will return.
We will turn a corner and Paradise will come down.
Mongolia is not Los Angeles, but it was a classroom for me about this reality.
A group of about twenty Torrey Honors students and my family went at the invitation of Campus Crusade and the Mongolian government to do a series of meetings in the schools. Watching my students respond, mostly without complaint, to difficult circumstances showed their quality. Having a chance to share the gospel with them, seeing what we had learned in the classroom matter in eternity, revealed what we had done well in Torrey and what we could do better.
Most of all I remember seeing an upperclassman, Angela Good, come into her own. She loved missions, education, and great conversations and we were involved in all three. We were all moved by teachers forced to do great work with poor resources.
Angie came home and began a Torrey project to send school supplies to those teachers. It was one of her last acts. She would graduate to a greater school that fall following a car accident.
From the moment I got what my family now simply calls “the call,” I have seldom forgotten that what we do is not the only thing that impacts eternity. We are, all of us, just one step from the eternal Kingdom. I have never forgotten Angie and I have never forgotten the truth that any one of us might turn a corner and find ourselves with Christ in Paradise.
What have you done about it?
Three Things To Think About
1. Cows
2. The Constitution, and
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves also, right to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shall Not Steal,' 'Thou Shall Not Covet', and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
2. The Constitution, and
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves also, right to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shall Not Steal,' 'Thou Shall Not Covet', and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Volkswagen Beetle and the Rolls Royce
Volkswagen Beetle and the Rolls Royce
A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do.."
"I got one too... see?" the Texan says.
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."
"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan.
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? Its right here!" brags the Texan.
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, "So, do you have a double bed in back there?"
The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Texan replies.
The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives allover town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.
The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.
======================= (It's ok... The joke is CLEAN.)======================
The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy with the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan, "What's up?"
"Check this out...I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
The Texan exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?"
Received from Max Lee.
--
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20071127
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do.."
"I got one too... see?" the Texan says.
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."
"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan.
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? Its right here!" brags the Texan.
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, "So, do you have a double bed in back there?"
The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Texan replies.
The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives allover town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.
The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.
======================= (It's ok... The joke is CLEAN.)======================
The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy with the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan, "What's up?"
"Check this out...I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
The Texan exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?"
Received from Max Lee.
--
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20071127
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Saturday, November 24, 2007
How to "Spin" the truth
Republican Version
Hillary Clinton's great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in
character, was Hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana.
He was hanged in 1889. The only known Photograph of Remus shows him
standing on the Gallows.
On the back of the picture is this Inscription: "Remus Rodham; horse
thief, sent to Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, Robbed the
Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted
and hanged in 1889."
Democrat Version
Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His
business empire grew to Include acquisition of valuable equestrian
assets And intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in
1883, he devoted several years of his Life to service at a government
facility, finally Taking leave to resume his dealings with the
Railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital Investigation run
by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away
during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform
upon which he was standing collapsed.
Hillary Clinton's great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in
character, was Hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana.
He was hanged in 1889. The only known Photograph of Remus shows him
standing on the Gallows.
On the back of the picture is this Inscription: "Remus Rodham; horse
thief, sent to Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, Robbed the
Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted
and hanged in 1889."
Democrat Version
Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His
business empire grew to Include acquisition of valuable equestrian
assets And intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in
1883, he devoted several years of his Life to service at a government
facility, finally Taking leave to resume his dealings with the
Railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital Investigation run
by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away
during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform
upon which he was standing collapsed.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Cherokee Legend
-------------------------------------------------
Cherokee Legend
================
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
~Author Unknown~
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/7316.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
Give a friend the gift of MountainWings.
See you tomorrow.
Cherokee Legend
================
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
~Author Unknown~
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/7316.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
Give a friend the gift of MountainWings.
See you tomorrow.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
The Parachute
The Parachute?
===============
Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate,
was a jet fighter pilot in Vietnam.
After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a
surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy
hands. He was captured and spent six years in a communist
Vietnamese prison.
He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from
that experience.
One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant,
a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew
jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk.
You were shot down!"
"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute," the man replied.
Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude.
The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"
Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked,
I wouldn't be here today."
Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man.
Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he might have looked like in
a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom
trousers.
I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said
"Good morning," "How are you?" or anything because, you see,
I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor.
Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long
wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the
shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his
hands each time, the fate of someone he didn't know.
Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?"
Everyone has someone who provides what he or she needs to make
it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many
kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy
territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental
parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute.
He called on all these supports before reaching safety.
Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss
what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or
thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has
happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice
for no reason.
As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize
those people who pack your parachute.
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1200.htm
===============
Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate,
was a jet fighter pilot in Vietnam.
After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a
surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy
hands. He was captured and spent six years in a communist
Vietnamese prison.
He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from
that experience.
One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant,
a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew
jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk.
You were shot down!"
"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute," the man replied.
Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude.
The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"
Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked,
I wouldn't be here today."
Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man.
Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he might have looked like in
a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom
trousers.
I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said
"Good morning," "How are you?" or anything because, you see,
I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor.
Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long
wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the
shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his
hands each time, the fate of someone he didn't know.
Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?"
Everyone has someone who provides what he or she needs to make
it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many
kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy
territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental
parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute.
He called on all these supports before reaching safety.
Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss
what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or
thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has
happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice
for no reason.
As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize
those people who pack your parachute.
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1200.htm
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
The Grade
-------------------------------------------------
The Grade
==========
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior
organic biology students about to hand out the final
exam.
"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this
semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and
many of you are off to medical school after summer. So
that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have
been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would
like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the
course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up,
walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his
offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked
out over the handful of remaining students and asked,
"Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those
students remaining.
"I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said.
"You all get 'A's."
How many have taken the easy way out?
The short road, the easy path, the light load,
all lead to lower grades in the school of life.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1198.htm
The Grade
==========
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior
organic biology students about to hand out the final
exam.
"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this
semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and
many of you are off to medical school after summer. So
that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have
been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would
like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the
course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up,
walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his
offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked
out over the handful of remaining students and asked,
"Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those
students remaining.
"I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said.
"You all get 'A's."
How many have taken the easy way out?
The short road, the easy path, the light load,
all lead to lower grades in the school of life.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1198.htm
Friday, September 28, 2007
We are home
We returned home on Tuesday the 25th after traveling 3856 miles and being gone 49 days.
The trip went well with no trouble with the truck or RV.
Colorado was beautiful in fall color and cool.
It is good to be home.
The trip went well with no trouble with the truck or RV.
Colorado was beautiful in fall color and cool.
It is good to be home.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
In Denver
Greetings,
We got to the Denver area Saturday evening, the 11th.
The trip went very well with no problems with the vehicles.
The weather was very hot but then that was to be expected.
Larry and family will be flying to China on Thursday. That is when we will put our RV in storage and move into their house until they return.
That is all for now.
We got to the Denver area Saturday evening, the 11th.
The trip went very well with no problems with the vehicles.
The weather was very hot but then that was to be expected.
Larry and family will be flying to China on Thursday. That is when we will put our RV in storage and move into their house until they return.
That is all for now.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
HOLY LAUGHS FOR THE DAY
Probably you have seen these but they are good for a laugh and/or smile. Good lessons and stories too.
HOLY LAUGHS FOR THE DAY
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
HOLY LAUGHS FOR THE DAY
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign..."Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay, said his father. So, son, what does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay, said his father. So, son, what does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to my friends.
May your troubles be less, your blessings be more and nothing but happiness come through your door _________________________________________________________________
Sunday, July 22, 2007
An excedllent Read
This is Sunday and we got home from San Antonio yesterday. When we got ready to leave, the rain was steady. It had rained off and on for several days. Everything was wet and damp. When I went to check out the lights on the RV, nothing worked! After checking fuses and finding nothing wrong, I went inside the RV to locate a repair facility. On the way to the office, I decided to try to locate the problem one more time. A fellow TBM'r came over to help. We double checked the fuses and then tried the lights. Behold they all worked. We had not found a bad fuse or anything else that could have caused the problem. When I went into the RV to let Helen know that we would be leaving and that the lights worked she calmly said "I prayed that they would be fixed." Praise God, prayer really works. What irked me was that I had not thought to pray when the problem was first encountered.
The following story was sent to me by good friends from Colorado. It is an excellent read.
One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you.
He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.
Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.
Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me."
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant.
Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude.
The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan .
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be.
Then she noticed something written on the napkin. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you." Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard....She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."
There is an old saying "What goes around comes around." Today I sent you this story, and I'm asking you to pass it on. Let this light shine.
Don't delete it, don't return it. Simply, pass this on to a friend.
Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
~GOD BLESS!~
The following story was sent to me by good friends from Colorado. It is an excellent read.
One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you.
He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.
Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.
Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me."
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant.
Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude.
The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan .
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be.
Then she noticed something written on the napkin. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you." Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard....She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."
There is an old saying "What goes around comes around." Today I sent you this story, and I'm asking you to pass it on. Let this light shine.
Don't delete it, don't return it. Simply, pass this on to a friend.
Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
~GOD BLESS!~
Friday, July 06, 2007
Two Pastors
Two Pastors
============
Two Pastors wives were visiting and sewing their husbands pants.
One wife said: My husband is just beside himself, he does not
know what to do anymore and he is so tired and depressed he said
he is ready to just give up and resign.
The other wife said: I am sorry to hear that because my husband
has never been happier. Our membership is growing and we are
out of our financial burden, we have such a large and loving
congregation. Life could not be any better than it is right now.
(One woman was mending the seat of her husbands pants,
the other was mending the knees.)
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/7183.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
============
Two Pastors wives were visiting and sewing their husbands pants.
One wife said: My husband is just beside himself, he does not
know what to do anymore and he is so tired and depressed he said
he is ready to just give up and resign.
The other wife said: I am sorry to hear that because my husband
has never been happier. Our membership is growing and we are
out of our financial burden, we have such a large and loving
congregation. Life could not be any better than it is right now.
(One woman was mending the seat of her husbands pants,
the other was mending the knees.)
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/7183.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
And now for some humor
Police Comments
These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief [of Police] Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Received from Don Pohlner.
--
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief [of Police] Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Received from Don Pohlner.
--
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Independence Day Tribute
Happy Birthday, America
Happy 4th of July (United States of America's Independence
Day). Celebration of our Freedom!
"Ragged Old Flag"
By John R. Cash
(C) 1974 House of Cash, Inc.
I walked through a county courthouse square,
On a park bench an old man was sitting there.
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down."
He said, "Naw, it'll do for our little town."
I said, "Your old flagpole has leaned a little bit,
And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it."
He said, "Have a seat," and I sat down.
"Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is." He said, "I don't like to brag,
But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag.
"You see, we got a little hole in that flag there when
Washington took it across the Delaware.
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key
Sat watching it writing Say Can You See.
And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams.
"And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though.
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill.
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg,
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag.
"On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gun.
She turned blood red in World War II.
She hung limp and low by the time it was through.
She was in Korea and Vietnam.
She was sent where she was by her Uncle Sam.
"She waved from our ships upon the briny foam,
And now they've about quit waving her back here at home.
In her own good land here she's been abused --
She's been burned, dishonored, denied, and refused.
"And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land.
And she's getting threadbare and wearing thin,
But she's in good shape for the shape she's in.
'Cause she's been through the fire before
And I believe she can take a whole lot more.
"So we raise her up every morning,
take her down every night.
We don't let her touch the ground
and we fold her up right.
On second thought, I do like to brag,
'Cause I'm mighty proud of that Ragged Old Flag."
Happy Birthday America!
Received from HeartWarming.
--
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Happy 4th of July (United States of America's Independence
Day). Celebration of our Freedom!
"Ragged Old Flag"
By John R. Cash
(C) 1974 House of Cash, Inc.
I walked through a county courthouse square,
On a park bench an old man was sitting there.
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down."
He said, "Naw, it'll do for our little town."
I said, "Your old flagpole has leaned a little bit,
And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it."
He said, "Have a seat," and I sat down.
"Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is." He said, "I don't like to brag,
But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag.
"You see, we got a little hole in that flag there when
Washington took it across the Delaware.
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key
Sat watching it writing Say Can You See.
And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams.
"And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though.
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill.
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg,
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag.
"On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gun.
She turned blood red in World War II.
She hung limp and low by the time it was through.
She was in Korea and Vietnam.
She was sent where she was by her Uncle Sam.
"She waved from our ships upon the briny foam,
And now they've about quit waving her back here at home.
In her own good land here she's been abused --
She's been burned, dishonored, denied, and refused.
"And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land.
And she's getting threadbare and wearing thin,
But she's in good shape for the shape she's in.
'Cause she's been through the fire before
And I believe she can take a whole lot more.
"So we raise her up every morning,
take her down every night.
We don't let her touch the ground
and we fold her up right.
On second thought, I do like to brag,
'Cause I'm mighty proud of that Ragged Old Flag."
Happy Birthday America!
Received from HeartWarming.
--
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Excellent Article by Tozer
Tozer Daily Devotional
June: Worship
The whole import and substance of the Bible teaches us that the God who does not need any thing nevertheless desires the adoration and worship of His created children.
Whatever Happened to Worship?, 37.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Worship: Made to Worship
The fool has said in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none who does good. --Psalm 14:1
Now we were made to worship, but the Scriptures tell us something else again. They tell us that man fell and kept not his first estate; that he forfeited the original glory of God and failed to fulfill the creative purpose, so that he is not worshiping now in the way that God meant him to worship. All else fulfills its design; flowers are still fragrant and lilies are still beautiful and the bees still search for nectar amongst the flowers; the birds still sing with their thousand-voice choir on a summer's day, and the sun and the moon and the stars all move on their rounds doing the will of God.
And from what we can learn from the Scriptures we believe that the seraphim and cherubim and powers and dominions are still fulfilling their design--worshiping God who created them and breathed into them the breath of life. Man alone sulks in his cave. Man alone, with all of his brilliant intelligence, with all of his amazing, indescribable and wonderful equipment, still sulks in his cave. He is either silent, or if he opens his mouth at all, it is to boast and threaten and curse; or it's nervous ill-considered laughter, or it's humor become big business, or it's songs without joy. Worship: The Missing Jewel, 6-7.
"Oh loving God, bring us out of the cave! Amen."
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
June: Worship
The whole import and substance of the Bible teaches us that the God who does not need any thing nevertheless desires the adoration and worship of His created children.
Whatever Happened to Worship?, 37.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Worship: Made to Worship
The fool has said in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none who does good. --Psalm 14:1
Now we were made to worship, but the Scriptures tell us something else again. They tell us that man fell and kept not his first estate; that he forfeited the original glory of God and failed to fulfill the creative purpose, so that he is not worshiping now in the way that God meant him to worship. All else fulfills its design; flowers are still fragrant and lilies are still beautiful and the bees still search for nectar amongst the flowers; the birds still sing with their thousand-voice choir on a summer's day, and the sun and the moon and the stars all move on their rounds doing the will of God.
And from what we can learn from the Scriptures we believe that the seraphim and cherubim and powers and dominions are still fulfilling their design--worshiping God who created them and breathed into them the breath of life. Man alone sulks in his cave. Man alone, with all of his brilliant intelligence, with all of his amazing, indescribable and wonderful equipment, still sulks in his cave. He is either silent, or if he opens his mouth at all, it is to boast and threaten and curse; or it's nervous ill-considered laughter, or it's humor become big business, or it's songs without joy. Worship: The Missing Jewel, 6-7.
"Oh loving God, bring us out of the cave! Amen."
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Tuesday Update
We returned from the Church building site on Saturday. I think this was our 52 building project. Now we are working to do some things here at home that need to be done. Several Doctor's appointments and other business is waiting our attention.
We are not sure if we will go on the job in July. I managed to handle the heat on the last job but the heat in July is something else. The job is in San Antonio and the last time we worked there the temperature for several days was at 107 degrees F. If we go I hope the heat will not be as extreme.
The following funny was too good not to include here.
Dog for Protection
My sister, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men." Perfect, my sister thought, and took
the dog.
Then one day, two men in a parking lot approached her, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react.
Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.
Received from Clean Humor Digest.
--
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
We are not sure if we will go on the job in July. I managed to handle the heat on the last job but the heat in July is something else. The job is in San Antonio and the last time we worked there the temperature for several days was at 107 degrees F. If we go I hope the heat will not be as extreme.
The following funny was too good not to include here.
Dog for Protection
My sister, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men." Perfect, my sister thought, and took
the dog.
Then one day, two men in a parking lot approached her, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react.
Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.
Received from Clean Humor Digest.
--
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Monday, June 04, 2007
The ID ten T error
I had to share this one!!!
Harold the Computer Guy
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold,
the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of
buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a
minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was
wrong?"
He replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but I nonetheless inquired,
"An ID ten T Error? What's that, in case I need to fix it
again?"
Harold grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote it down.
I D 1 0 T
I used to like Harold...
Received from Chris Keniston.
--
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20070604
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Harold the Computer Guy
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold,
the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of
buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a
minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was
wrong?"
He replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but I nonetheless inquired,
"An ID ten T Error? What's that, in case I need to fix it
again?"
Harold grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote it down.
I D 1 0 T
I used to like Harold...
Received from Chris Keniston.
--
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20070604
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Monday, May 28, 2007
Home again and Memorial Day
I got home on Saturday from the building job at Palestine, Texas.
The building job was very large. The building was a metal building, 100 by 125 feet or 125,000 square feet. We had 34 TBM men and about 8 local men working. When we left, all the framing was done, about 90% of the sheet rock was complete and the electrical was complete except for mounting/installing the lighting fixtures and switches. The plumbing was 75% complete also.
The layout was of 11 classrooms 17 by 17 feet, two nursury rooms, a gym, a large kitchen, 2 large bathrooms with double showers and a large conference room.
The gym was sheet rocked to the roof with the first 12 feet being a high impact sheet rock. They plan to convert it to a temporary sanctuary when they build their larger sancturacy.
It is good to be home.
With this being Memorial Day, I am very proud of our service men and women. We should hold them up in prayer every single day.
God Bless our troops.
The building job was very large. The building was a metal building, 100 by 125 feet or 125,000 square feet. We had 34 TBM men and about 8 local men working. When we left, all the framing was done, about 90% of the sheet rock was complete and the electrical was complete except for mounting/installing the lighting fixtures and switches. The plumbing was 75% complete also.
The layout was of 11 classrooms 17 by 17 feet, two nursury rooms, a gym, a large kitchen, 2 large bathrooms with double showers and a large conference room.
The gym was sheet rocked to the roof with the first 12 feet being a high impact sheet rock. They plan to convert it to a temporary sanctuary when they build their larger sancturacy.
It is good to be home.
With this being Memorial Day, I am very proud of our service men and women. We should hold them up in prayer every single day.
God Bless our troops.
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