Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, chartered a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip.
The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rode on the top level.
The brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of the brunettes realized she had not heard anything from the blondes upstairs.
She decided to go up and investigate. When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, "What the heck is going on up here? We are having a great time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looked at her, swallowed hard, and whispered, "YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE A DRIVER!"
Received from Ed Clark.
--
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20080530
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
A Pin Drop
When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building' by George Bush.
He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?' A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have? '
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?' Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. 'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.' The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.' 'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !' The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. 'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to.'
You could have heard a pin drop
What Is A Veteran?
A 'Veteran' -- whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve -- is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America,' for an amount of 'up to, and including his life.'
That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country today, who no longer understand that fact.
He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?' A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have? '
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?' Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. 'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.' The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.' 'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !' The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. 'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to.'
You could have heard a pin drop
What Is A Veteran?
A 'Veteran' -- whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve -- is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America,' for an amount of 'up to, and including his life.'
That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country today, who no longer understand that fact.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Seniors
No one believes seniors . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved, 'I love you, Sally.'
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money --------------- fifty- thousand dollars.
Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'
Sally said, 'Finders keepers.' She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door.
'Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?'
Sally said, 'No.'
Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'
Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile.'
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: 'Tell us the story from the beginning.'
Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . ."
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, 'We're outta here .'
Thank you B. Farland for this one.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved, 'I love you, Sally.'
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money --------------- fifty- thousand dollars.
Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'
Sally said, 'Finders keepers.' She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door.
'Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?'
Sally said, 'No.'
Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'
Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile.'
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: 'Tell us the story from the beginning.'
Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . ."
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, 'We're outta here .'
Thank you B. Farland for this one.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Crocheted Dolls
There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
The above is from:
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh-archive/73/2807-crocheted-dolls
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Two for one today
After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 10-inch black and white TV; but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.
Now I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed, and plasma screen TV; but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.
Thank you B. Farland for this one
+++++++++++++++++++
Now I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed, and plasma screen TV; but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.
Thank you B. Farland for this one
+++++++++++++++++++
LOVE YA
One morning you will never wake up. Do all your friends know you love them? I was thinking I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling, or three words needing to be said.
Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do. And just in case GOD calls me home before I see you again......I LOVE YOU!!!
Send this to the people you love and send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised!
Thank You P. Boney for this one.Monday, May 26, 2008
Costly Test
MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#4224 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
-------------------------------------------------
Costly Test
===========
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a
$100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out.
This student got his test back and $64 change.
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/4224.htm
#4224 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
-------------------------------------------------
Costly Test
===========
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a
$100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out.
This student got his test back and $64 change.
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/4224.htm
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Memorial Day and Graduation
Today I am inserting an email with links to some very appropriate music and verse relating to Memorial Day and Graduation.
Please do not forget to remember our brave men and women who have sacrificed all to be sure we can enjoy the freedoms and comfort of this great country!!
Please do not forget to remember our brave men and women who have sacrificed all to be sure we can enjoy the freedoms and comfort of this great country!!
| Memorial Day cards featuring the music of Margi Harrell | |
| Memorial Day http://llerrah.com/memorialday.htm | |
| Lest We Forget http://llerrah.com/lestweforget.htm | |
| Twenty One Steps http://llerrah.com/twentyonesteps.htm | |
| Graduation Cards | |
| Graduation Wishes http://llerrah.com/graduation.htm | |
| Graduation Prayer http://llerrah.com/graduationprayer.htm | |
Saturday, May 24, 2008
WHITE LIE CAKE
Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially those who bake for church events.
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for Scout camp.
When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She thought, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake."
This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.
When Amanda arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.
Alice was horrified - she was beside herself. Everyone would know!
What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, and ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon and bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and just try to have a good time.
Alice did not want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at Alice because she was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa. But, having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and, to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!
She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."
Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good."
Another thanks to B. Farland for this great lesson!
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for Scout camp.
When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She thought, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake."
This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.
When Amanda arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.
Alice was horrified - she was beside herself. Everyone would know!
What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, and ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon and bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and just try to have a good time.
Alice did not want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at Alice because she was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa. But, having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and, to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!
She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."
Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good."
Another thanks to B. Farland for this great lesson!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Tennis Ball Lesson
A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever understood why he did this, until one day. . . .
A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head.
The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. . . No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!
From: The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communications
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head.
The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. . . No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!
From: The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communications
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Skinny Dipping
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up with picnic tables, horseshoe pitches, and some apple and peach trees.
.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and looked it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing. When he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Some old guys can think fast.
Thank you again B. Farland. This one is the best!
.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and looked it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing. When he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Some old guys can think fast.
Thank you again B. Farland. This one is the best!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Signs and more signs
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
Time Wounds All Heels.
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
To expedite your visit, please back in.
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
We Repair What Your Husband Fixed
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber!
**************************
On a Church's Billboard:
7 days without God makes one weak.
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.
**************************
At a Towing company:
We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows.
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
Let Us Remove Your Shorts
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push!
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff.
**************************
On a Fence:
Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive!
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary; We hear you coming.
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
**************************
At the Electric Company
We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be.
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in
and get fed up.
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully! We'll wait...
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
Thank heaven for little grills.
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
Best place in town to take a leak
**********************
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises
Thank you B. Farland
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
Time Wounds All Heels.
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
To expedite your visit, please back in.
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
We Repair What Your Husband Fixed
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber!
**************************
On a Church's Billboard:
7 days without God makes one weak.
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.
**************************
At a Towing company:
We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows.
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
Let Us Remove Your Shorts
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push!
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff.
**************************
On a Fence:
Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive!
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary; We hear you coming.
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
**************************
At the Electric Company
We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be.
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in
and get fed up.
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully! We'll wait...
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
Thank heaven for little grills.
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
Best place in town to take a leak
**********************
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises
Thank you B. Farland
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The Amateur Photographer
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends,
and he took along a few pictures to show to them. The
hostess looked at the photos and commented, "These are very
good! You must have a good camera."
The photographer didn't make any comment, but as he was
leaving to go home, he said, "That was a really delicious
meal! You must have some very good pots."
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
and he took along a few pictures to show to them. The
hostess looked at the photos and commented, "These are very
good! You must have a good camera."
The photographer didn't make any comment, but as he was
leaving to go home, he said, "That was a really delicious
meal! You must have some very good pots."
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Monday, May 19, 2008
Tennis Ball Lesson
A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever understood why he did this, until one day. . . .
A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head.
The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. . . No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communications
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
+++++++++++++++++++++
A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head.
The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. . . No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communications
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
+++++++++++++++++++++
Yup, Sho'Nuff, It'S A-Comin'!!!
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in El Paso, Texas, while awaiting their respective flights. One is an American Indian from Lame Deer, Montana; another is a Texas cowboy on his way to Dallas for a livestock show; and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student,newly arrived in the U.S. from the Middle East.
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.
The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward. "Once my people were few,"he sneers,"and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"
The cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth, and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl: "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'!"
Thank you B. Farland for this one.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Fifty Dollars is Fifty Dollars
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word its fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
Thank You B. Farland for this one.
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word its fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
Thank You B. Farland for this one.
A Song From A Soldier
If I die before you wake...
Back home now I know you're probably sleepin'
Over here it's the middle of the day
I finally found the time to write a letter
Sittin' here a half a world away
I heard about all them folks protestin'
As if I really want this war
But that don't stop me from believin'
There's just some things worth fightin' for
CHORUS
And if I die before you wake,
I pray the world will take
A good look at what God's given us
That we could only understand,
everything is in his hands
All we need is a little faith and trust
I want you to know it ain't too high a price to pay
If I die before you wake
Tell everybody that I miss them
And I can't wait to get back home
But until then I'll serve my country
And be proud to wear this uniform
CHORUS
And if I die before you wake,
I pray the world will take
A good look at what God's given us
That we could only understand,
everything is in his hands
All we need is a little faith and trust
I want you to know it ain't too high a price to pay
If I die before you wake
No it ain't too high a price to pay
If I die before you wake
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Go Gently with the Flow
"GO GENTLY WITH THE FLOW"
If the sky above seems cloudy,
And you are left out in the rain,
If you are searching for a rainbow,
But the colors bring you pain,
If your world is not revolving,
And there is no end in sight,
If you are looking for the sunshine,
But all you see is night,
If all around are smiling,
But all you can do is frown,
If you are tired of all this living,
When life just brings you down,
Then look beyond your teardrops,
At the wonders of this land,
The beauty of a flower,
Like velvet in your hand.
Feel the air around you,
The smell of new mown hay,
Laughing children in the park,
The innocence there at play,
Imagine floating with a butterfly,
As she flutters between the trees,
Or the whispers of the ocean,
On warm hot summer's breeze,
Think of the taste of candy floss,
As it melts upon your tongue,
Or the melody of morning birds,
As they greet each day with song,
Remember words of beauty,
Told in your mother's embrace,
Feel the gentleness of her touch,
As she softly kissed your face,
Seek the good within you,
Cast the clouds from your sky,
Don't look toward the pavement,
But hold your head up high,
Think not what life owes you,
But of all you have to give,
Forget about tomorrow,
Then you can start to live.
So bless this age you are living in,
With the gifts you can bestow,
Don't disregard the stream of life,
Go gently with the flow.
Author Unknown
Thank You P. Boney for this one.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Lucy
The following article was just too good not to give it as wide an audience as possible. It teaches a very valuable lesson.
-------------------------------------------------
MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#8137 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
-------------------------------------------------
LUCY
=====
When a tornado touched down in a small town nearby,
many families were left devastated. Afterward, all the local
newspapers carried many human-interest stories featuring some of
the families who suffered the hardest.
One Sunday, a particular picture especially touched me.
A young woman stood in front of a totally demolished mobile home,
an anguished expression twisting her features.
A young boy, seven or eight years old, stood at her side,
eyes downcast. Clutching at her skirt was a tiny girl who
stared into the camera, eyes wide with confusion and fear.
The article that accompanied the picture gave the clothing
sizes of each family member. With growing interest,
I noticed that their sizes closely matched ours. This would
be a good opportunity to teach my children to help those
less fortunate than themselves.
I taped the picture of the young family to our refrigerator,
explaining their plight to my seven-year-old twins, Brad and
Brett, and to three-year-old Meghan.
"We have so much, and these poor people now have nothing,"
I said. "We'll share what we have with them."
I brought three large boxes down from the attic and placed them
on the living room floor. Meghan watched solemnly as the boys
and I filled one of the boxes with canned goods and other
nonperishable foods, soap and other assorted toiletries.
While I sorted through our clothes, I encouraged the boys to go
through their toys and donate some of their less favorite
things. Meghan watched quietly as the boys piled up discarded
toys and games.
"I'll help you find something for the little girl when I'm done
with this," I said.
The boys placed the toys they had chosen to donate into one of
the boxes while I filled the third box with clothes.
Meghan walked up with Lucy, her worn, faded, frazzled, much-
loved rag doll hugged tightly to her chest.
She paused in front of the box that held the toys, pressed her
round little face into Lucy's flat, painted-on-face, gave her a
final kiss, then laid her gently on top of the other toys.
"Oh, Honey," I said. "You don't have to give Lucy.
You love her so much."
Meghan nodded solemnly, eyes glistening with held-back tears.
"Lucy makes me happy, Mommy.
Maybe she'll make that other little girl happy, too."
Swallowing hard, I stared at Meghan for a long moment, wondering
how I could teach the boys the lesson she had just taught me.
For I suddenly realized that anyone can give their cast-offs
away. True generosity is giving that which you cherish most.
Honest benevolence is a three-year-old offering a treasured,
albeit shabby doll to a little girl she doesn't know with the
hope that it will bring this child as much pleasure as it
brought her.
I, who had wanted to teach, had been taught.
The boys had watched, open-mouthed, as their baby sister placed
her favorite doll in the box. Without a word, Brad rose and
went to his room. He came back carrying one of his favorite
action figures. He hesitated briefly, clutching the toy, then
looked over at Meghan and placed it in the box next to Lucy.
A slow smile spread across Brett's face, then he jumped up, eyes
twinkling as he ran to retrieve some of his prized Matchbox
cars.
Amazed, I realized that the boys had also recognized what little
Meghan's gesture meant. Swallowing back tears, I pulled all
three of them into my arms.
Taking the cue from my little one, I removed my old tan jacket
with the frayed cuffs from the box of clothes. I replaced it
with the new hunter green jacket that I had found on sale last
week. I hoped the young woman in the picture would love it as
much as I did.
It's easy to give that which we don't want anymore but harder to
let go of something that we cherish isn't it?
~Author Unknown~
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
-------------------------------------------------
MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#8137 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
-------------------------------------------------
LUCY
=====
When a tornado touched down in a small town nearby,
many families were left devastated. Afterward, all the local
newspapers carried many human-interest stories featuring some of
the families who suffered the hardest.
One Sunday, a particular picture especially touched me.
A young woman stood in front of a totally demolished mobile home,
an anguished expression twisting her features.
A young boy, seven or eight years old, stood at her side,
eyes downcast. Clutching at her skirt was a tiny girl who
stared into the camera, eyes wide with confusion and fear.
The article that accompanied the picture gave the clothing
sizes of each family member. With growing interest,
I noticed that their sizes closely matched ours. This would
be a good opportunity to teach my children to help those
less fortunate than themselves.
I taped the picture of the young family to our refrigerator,
explaining their plight to my seven-year-old twins, Brad and
Brett, and to three-year-old Meghan.
"We have so much, and these poor people now have nothing,"
I said. "We'll share what we have with them."
I brought three large boxes down from the attic and placed them
on the living room floor. Meghan watched solemnly as the boys
and I filled one of the boxes with canned goods and other
nonperishable foods, soap and other assorted toiletries.
While I sorted through our clothes, I encouraged the boys to go
through their toys and donate some of their less favorite
things. Meghan watched quietly as the boys piled up discarded
toys and games.
"I'll help you find something for the little girl when I'm done
with this," I said.
The boys placed the toys they had chosen to donate into one of
the boxes while I filled the third box with clothes.
Meghan walked up with Lucy, her worn, faded, frazzled, much-
loved rag doll hugged tightly to her chest.
She paused in front of the box that held the toys, pressed her
round little face into Lucy's flat, painted-on-face, gave her a
final kiss, then laid her gently on top of the other toys.
"Oh, Honey," I said. "You don't have to give Lucy.
You love her so much."
Meghan nodded solemnly, eyes glistening with held-back tears.
"Lucy makes me happy, Mommy.
Maybe she'll make that other little girl happy, too."
Swallowing hard, I stared at Meghan for a long moment, wondering
how I could teach the boys the lesson she had just taught me.
For I suddenly realized that anyone can give their cast-offs
away. True generosity is giving that which you cherish most.
Honest benevolence is a three-year-old offering a treasured,
albeit shabby doll to a little girl she doesn't know with the
hope that it will bring this child as much pleasure as it
brought her.
I, who had wanted to teach, had been taught.
The boys had watched, open-mouthed, as their baby sister placed
her favorite doll in the box. Without a word, Brad rose and
went to his room. He came back carrying one of his favorite
action figures. He hesitated briefly, clutching the toy, then
looked over at Meghan and placed it in the box next to Lucy.
A slow smile spread across Brett's face, then he jumped up, eyes
twinkling as he ran to retrieve some of his prized Matchbox
cars.
Amazed, I realized that the boys had also recognized what little
Meghan's gesture meant. Swallowing back tears, I pulled all
three of them into my arms.
Taking the cue from my little one, I removed my old tan jacket
with the frayed cuffs from the box of clothes. I replaced it
with the new hunter green jacket that I had found on sale last
week. I hoped the young woman in the picture would love it as
much as I did.
It's easy to give that which we don't want anymore but harder to
let go of something that we cherish isn't it?
~Author Unknown~
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Garfield on the oil problem.
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in
~~~
ALASKA
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania and Texas
~~~
Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington, DC !!!
Any Questions???
NO? Didn't think So.
Editor's Note: And now congress has passed a bill declaring the Polar Bear as an endangered species which in essence locks out the largest oil reserve we have in Alaska!
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in
~~~
ALASKA
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania and Texas
~~~
Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington, DC !!!
Any Questions???
NO? Didn't think So.
Editor's Note: And now congress has passed a bill declaring the Polar Bear as an endangered species which in essence locks out the largest oil reserve we have in Alaska!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
God's Perfect Mistake and The Blue Rose
I have two good pieces today and could not decide between them so here are both items. Enjoy.
My mother's father worked as a carpenter. On this particular day, he was building some crates for the clothes his church was sending to orphanages in China . On his way home, he reached into his shirt pocket to find his glasses, but they were gone. When he mentally replayed his earlier actions, he realized what had happened; the glasses had slipped out of his pocket unnoticed and fallen into one of the crates, which he had nailed shut. His brand new glasses were heading for China !
The Great Depression was at its height and Grandpa had six children. He had spent $20 for those glasses that very morning. He was upset by the thought of having to buy another pair. 'It's not fair,' he told God as he drove home in frustration. 'I've been very faithful in giving of my time and money to your work, and now this.'
Months later, the director of the orphanage was on furlough in the United States . He wanted to visit all the churches that supported him in China , so he came to speak one Sunday at my grandfather's small church in Chicago .
The missionary began by thanking the people for their faithfulness in supporting the orphanage. 'But most of all,' he said, 'I must thank you for the glasses you sent last year. You see, the Communists had just swept through the orphanage, destroying everything, including my glasses. I was desperate. Even if I had the money, there was simply no way of replacing those glasses. Along with not being able to see well, I experienced headaches every day, so my coworkers and I were much in prayer about this.
Then your crates arrived. When my staff removed the covers, they found a pair of glasses lying on top.
The missionary paused long enough to let his words sink in. Then, still gripped with the wonder of it all, he continued: 'Folks, when I tried on the glasses, it was as though they had been custom made just for me! I want to thank you for being a part of that.'
The people listened, happy for the miraculous glasses. But the missionary surely must have confused their church with another, they thought. There were no glasses on their list of items to be sent overseas.
But sitting quietly in the back, with tears streaming down his face, an ordinary carpenter realized the Master Carpenter had used him in an extraordinary way.
There are times we want to blame God instead of thanking him!
I have to remember this in these times of trial with my own family.
May GOD bless your week. Look for the perfect mistakes.
'People are like tea bags- - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.'
Now isn't that just like God to do something like that?
Peace is not the absence of trouble. Peace is the presence of God.
'The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.' Lamentations 3:22
Thank You O. Campbell for this one.
+++++++++++++++++=
Blue Roses by Pastor Hal Steenson
It was time for me to do my 'Dollar Store' run, which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags and Clorox. So off I go. I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies, and headed for the checkout counter only to be blocked in the narrow aisle by a young man that appeared to be about sixteen years old.
I wasn't in a hurry, so I patiently waited for the boy to realize that I was there. This was when he waved his hands excitedly in the air and declared in a loud voice, 'Mommy, I'm over here.' It was obvious now, he was mentally challenged, and also startled as he turned and saw me standing so close to him, waiting to squeeze by. His
eyes widened and surprise exploded on his face as I said, 'Hey Buddy, what's your name?'
'My name is Denny and I'm shopping with my mother,' he responded proudly.
'Wow,' I said, 'that's a cool name; I wish my name was Denny, but m y name is Hal.'
'Hal like Halloween?' he asked.
'Yes,' I answered. 'How old are you Denny?
'How old am I now Mommy?' he asked his mother as she slowly came over from the next aisle. 'You're fifteen years old Denny; now be a good boy and let the man pass by.'
I acknowledged her and continued to talk to Denny for several more minutes about summer, bicycles and school. I watched his brown eyes dance with excitement because he was the center of someone's attention. He then abruptly turned and headed toward the toy section.
Denny's mom had a puzzled look on her face and thanked me for taking the time to talk with her son. She told me that most people wouldn't even look at him, much less talk to him. I told her that it was my pleasure and then I said something I have no idea where it came from, other than by the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
I told her that there are plenty of red, yellow and pink roses in God's garden, however, 'Blue Roses' are very rare and should be appreciated for their beauty and distinctiveness. You see, Denny is a 'Blue Rose' and if someone doesn't stop and smell that rose with their heart and touch that rose with their kindness, then they've missed a blessing from God.
She was silent for a second, then with a tear in her eye she asked, 'Who are you?'
Without thinking I said, 'Oh, I'm probably just a 'daffodil or maybe even a dandelion,' but I sure love living in God's garden.
Please the next time you see a BLUE ROSE don't turn your head and walk off, take the time to smile and say Hello. Because by the grace of GOD this mother could be you. This could be your child, grandchild, niece, nephew. What a difference a moment can mean to that person or their family.
From another old daffodil
My mother's father worked as a carpenter. On this particular day, he was building some crates for the clothes his church was sending to orphanages in China . On his way home, he reached into his shirt pocket to find his glasses, but they were gone. When he mentally replayed his earlier actions, he realized what had happened; the glasses had slipped out of his pocket unnoticed and fallen into one of the crates, which he had nailed shut. His brand new glasses were heading for China !
The Great Depression was at its height and Grandpa had six children. He had spent $20 for those glasses that very morning. He was upset by the thought of having to buy another pair. 'It's not fair,' he told God as he drove home in frustration. 'I've been very faithful in giving of my time and money to your work, and now this.'
Months later, the director of the orphanage was on furlough in the United States . He wanted to visit all the churches that supported him in China , so he came to speak one Sunday at my grandfather's small church in Chicago .
The missionary began by thanking the people for their faithfulness in supporting the orphanage. 'But most of all,' he said, 'I must thank you for the glasses you sent last year. You see, the Communists had just swept through the orphanage, destroying everything, including my glasses. I was desperate. Even if I had the money, there was simply no way of replacing those glasses. Along with not being able to see well, I experienced headaches every day, so my coworkers and I were much in prayer about this.
Then your crates arrived. When my staff removed the covers, they found a pair of glasses lying on top.
The missionary paused long enough to let his words sink in. Then, still gripped with the wonder of it all, he continued: 'Folks, when I tried on the glasses, it was as though they had been custom made just for me! I want to thank you for being a part of that.'
The people listened, happy for the miraculous glasses. But the missionary surely must have confused their church with another, they thought. There were no glasses on their list of items to be sent overseas.
But sitting quietly in the back, with tears streaming down his face, an ordinary carpenter realized the Master Carpenter had used him in an extraordinary way.
There are times we want to blame God instead of thanking him!
I have to remember this in these times of trial with my own family.
May GOD bless your week. Look for the perfect mistakes.
'People are like tea bags- - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.'
Now isn't that just like God to do something like that?
Peace is not the absence of trouble. Peace is the presence of God.
'The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.' Lamentations 3:22
Thank You O. Campbell for this one.
+++++++++++++++++=
Blue Roses by Pastor Hal Steenson
It was time for me to do my 'Dollar Store' run, which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags and Clorox. So off I go. I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies, and headed for the checkout counter only to be blocked in the narrow aisle by a young man that appeared to be about sixteen years old.
I wasn't in a hurry, so I patiently waited for the boy to realize that I was there. This was when he waved his hands excitedly in the air and declared in a loud voice, 'Mommy, I'm over here.' It was obvious now, he was mentally challenged, and also startled as he turned and saw me standing so close to him, waiting to squeeze by. His
eyes widened and surprise exploded on his face as I said, 'Hey Buddy, what's your name?'
'My name is Denny and I'm shopping with my mother,' he responded proudly.
'Wow,' I said, 'that's a cool name; I wish my name was Denny, but m y name is Hal.'
'Hal like Halloween?' he asked.
'Yes,' I answered. 'How old are you Denny?
'How old am I now Mommy?' he asked his mother as she slowly came over from the next aisle. 'You're fifteen years old Denny; now be a good boy and let the man pass by.'
I acknowledged her and continued to talk to Denny for several more minutes about summer, bicycles and school. I watched his brown eyes dance with excitement because he was the center of someone's attention. He then abruptly turned and headed toward the toy section.
Denny's mom had a puzzled look on her face and thanked me for taking the time to talk with her son. She told me that most people wouldn't even look at him, much less talk to him. I told her that it was my pleasure and then I said something I have no idea where it came from, other than by the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
I told her that there are plenty of red, yellow and pink roses in God's garden, however, 'Blue Roses' are very rare and should be appreciated for their beauty and distinctiveness. You see, Denny is a 'Blue Rose' and if someone doesn't stop and smell that rose with their heart and touch that rose with their kindness, then they've missed a blessing from God.
She was silent for a second, then with a tear in her eye she asked, 'Who are you?'
Without thinking I said, 'Oh, I'm probably just a 'daffodil or maybe even a dandelion,' but I sure love living in God's garden.
Please the next time you see a BLUE ROSE don't turn your head and walk off, take the time to smile and say Hello. Because by the grace of GOD this mother could be you. This could be your child, grandchild, niece, nephew. What a difference a moment can mean to that person or their family.
From another old daffodil
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Discontent
The following was written by: ~Craig R. Smith and Jay Leno~
The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across
some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be
true, given the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67% of Americans are unhappy
with the direction the country is headed, and 69% of the
country is unhappy with the performance of the President.
In essence, two-thirds of the citizenry just ain't happy and
wants a change.
So being the knuckle dragger that I am, I started thinking,
"What're we so unhappy about?"
Is it that we have electricity and running water 24/7?
Is our unhappiness the result of having A/C in the summer and
heating in the winter?
Could it be that 95.4% of these unhappy folks have a job?
Maybe it's the ability to walk into a grocery store at any
time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the
last year?
Maybe it's the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the
Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers
as we move through each state?
Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we'd find
along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine
from around the world is just not good enough.
Or could it be that when we wreck our cars, emergency workers
show up and provide services to help all, and even send a
helicopter to take you to the hospital.
Perhaps you are one of the 70% of Americans who own a home.
You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of
a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments
and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus
saving you, your family, and your belongings.
Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen
TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a
gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your
family against attack or loss.
This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or
militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods
where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
How about the complete religious, social and political
freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that's what has 67% of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we're the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats
the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the USA,
yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what
we are: the most blessed people in the world who do nothing
but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about
the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the President who took us into
war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a
measly 31% approval rating? Is this the same President who
guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President
who cut taxes to bring an economy out of a recession? Could
this be the same guy who's been called every name in the book
for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats
safe from terrorist attacks?
The Commander-in-Chief of an all-volunteer army that's out
there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President
is on the news or on a talk show? Did this news affect you so
much, make you so unhappy, that you couldn't take a look
around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?
Think about it. Are you upset at the President because he
actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the media
told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind
every day?
Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan
have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for
your freedom. There's currently no draft in this country. They
didn't have to go.
They're able to refuse to go and end up with either a
"general" discharge, an "other than honorable" discharge or,
worst case scenario, a "dishonorable" discharge after a few
days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontent in the minds of 69% of
Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If
it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news.
Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many
will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media
knows this, and media outlets are for-profit corporations.
They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend
their actions by justifying them in one way or another.
Stop buying the negativism you're fed every day by the media.
Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for
the bottom of your birdcage. Then start being grateful for
all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good
than bad.
We're among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank
God several times a day, or at least be thankful and
appreciative.
With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides,
flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one
end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist
attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of
the Pledge of Allegiance?
~Craig R. Smith and Jay Leno~
The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across
some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be
true, given the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67% of Americans are unhappy
with the direction the country is headed, and 69% of the
country is unhappy with the performance of the President.
In essence, two-thirds of the citizenry just ain't happy and
wants a change.
So being the knuckle dragger that I am, I started thinking,
"What're we so unhappy about?"
Is it that we have electricity and running water 24/7?
Is our unhappiness the result of having A/C in the summer and
heating in the winter?
Could it be that 95.4% of these unhappy folks have a job?
Maybe it's the ability to walk into a grocery store at any
time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the
last year?
Maybe it's the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the
Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers
as we move through each state?
Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we'd find
along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine
from around the world is just not good enough.
Or could it be that when we wreck our cars, emergency workers
show up and provide services to help all, and even send a
helicopter to take you to the hospital.
Perhaps you are one of the 70% of Americans who own a home.
You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of
a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments
and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus
saving you, your family, and your belongings.
Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen
TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a
gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your
family against attack or loss.
This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or
militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods
where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
How about the complete religious, social and political
freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that's what has 67% of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we're the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats
the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the USA,
yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what
we are: the most blessed people in the world who do nothing
but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about
the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the President who took us into
war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a
measly 31% approval rating? Is this the same President who
guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President
who cut taxes to bring an economy out of a recession? Could
this be the same guy who's been called every name in the book
for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats
safe from terrorist attacks?
The Commander-in-Chief of an all-volunteer army that's out
there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President
is on the news or on a talk show? Did this news affect you so
much, make you so unhappy, that you couldn't take a look
around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?
Think about it. Are you upset at the President because he
actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the media
told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind
every day?
Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan
have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for
your freedom. There's currently no draft in this country. They
didn't have to go.
They're able to refuse to go and end up with either a
"general" discharge, an "other than honorable" discharge or,
worst case scenario, a "dishonorable" discharge after a few
days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontent in the minds of 69% of
Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If
it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news.
Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many
will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media
knows this, and media outlets are for-profit corporations.
They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend
their actions by justifying them in one way or another.
Stop buying the negativism you're fed every day by the media.
Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for
the bottom of your birdcage. Then start being grateful for
all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good
than bad.
We're among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank
God several times a day, or at least be thankful and
appreciative.
With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides,
flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one
end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist
attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of
the Pledge of Allegiance?
~Craig R. Smith and Jay Leno~
Monday, May 12, 2008
Listen for the Bell
I am late posting today, many things to catch up on after the trip to Houston.
The following came in an email with pictures but the thoughts are worth passing on without the pictures.
++++++++++++++++++++
What a beautiful message!
Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.
From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing....
Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.
This alone is amazing.
If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell.
Looking around for the source of the sound, you
will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.
Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell.
It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.
As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.
When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.
He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.
Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way....
Good friends are like that ... You may not always see them, but you know they are always there.
Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.
And remember... Be kinder than necessary - Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly....
Leave the rest to God
Thank you B. Farland for this one.
The following came in an email with pictures but the thoughts are worth passing on without the pictures.
++++++++++++++++++++
What a beautiful message!
Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.
From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing....
Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.
This alone is amazing.
If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell.
Looking around for the source of the sound, you
will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.
Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell.
It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.
As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.
When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.
He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.
Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way....
Good friends are like that ... You may not always see them, but you know they are always there.
Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.
And remember... Be kinder than necessary - Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly....
Leave the rest to God
Thank you B. Farland for this one.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
It's only a quarter
|
Saturday, May 10, 2008
On Line Again
On line once again. Got back home this afternoon from a very rewarding trip to Houston and Livingston, Texas.
The following is from Pastor Tim at: http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
In a remote village in Central America the word got out among the peoples of the region that one of the American missionaries that had served this country for many years was about to return to the US to live our the remaining years of her life.
The nationals desired to honor her for her years of service with a public time of appreciation. News of the event went to all parts of the country in which the missionary was known to the people. One very old and very poor man walked to the ceremony over mountainous terrain for 4 days to bring his gift to the missionary.
The gift consisted of 2 coconuts, but it was all the man had. The missionary recognized the man as coming from the remote village in the mountains.
"Brother, I cannot believe that you would walk so far to present me with this gift," said the missionary to the man.
His response? "Long walk part of gift."
- Author Unknown
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Wet Pants
Wet Pants
Come with me to a third grade classroom.....
There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives. The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, 'Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat.'
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered. As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap. The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, 'Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!' Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy.
The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie. She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!'
Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, 'You did that on purpose, didn't you?' Susie whispers back, 'I wet my pants once too.'
May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good..
Remember.....Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.
Family and Good Friends Are Like Stars. * *You Don't Always See Them, But You Always Know They Are There !!! * * *
Come with me to a third grade classroom.....
There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives. The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, 'Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat.'
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered. As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap. The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, 'Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!' Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy.
The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie. She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!'
Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, 'You did that on purpose, didn't you?' Susie whispers back, 'I wet my pants once too.'
May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good..
Remember.....Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.
Family and Good Friends Are Like Stars. * *You Don't Always See Them, But You Always Know They Are There !!! * * *
Monday, May 05, 2008
Monday Morning
This may be my last post for several days. I am taking a trip to see my daughter and son in Houston and then some friends outside of Houston.
If I find a place where there is Internet access, I will update the Blog.
See you in a couple days.
I couldn't close this off without a little humor. Depending on your political position, this may not be funny. Depending on what part of the country you live in, it may not make much sense. Any way here it is, enjoy or not it is up to you.
++++++++++++++++++
Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife and charges at you.
You are carrying a 40 cal Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids?
What does the law say about this situation?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted?
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hydra-shock hollow points?
Son: Can I shoot the next one?
Wife: You Ain't Taking That To The Taxidermist!
If I find a place where there is Internet access, I will update the Blog.
See you in a couple days.
I couldn't close this off without a little humor. Depending on your political position, this may not be funny. Depending on what part of the country you live in, it may not make much sense. Any way here it is, enjoy or not it is up to you.
++++++++++++++++++
Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife and charges at you.
You are carrying a 40 cal Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids?
What does the law say about this situation?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted?
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hydra-shock hollow points?
Son: Can I shoot the next one?
Wife: You Ain't Taking That To The Taxidermist!
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Texicans
The following is a bit long. Outsiders may not want to read the whole thing but a true Texan will read the whole thing with great pride!!
So you want to know everything about us Texicans?
When you're from Texas, people that you meet ask you questions like:
"Do you have any cows?"
"Do you have horses?"
"Betcha got a bunch of guns, eh?"
They all want to know if you've been to Southfork. They watched Dallas.
Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at Texas with me just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be.
As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at it they know what it is.
It's Texas. Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt and he'll know what it is. What happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You might get it maybe after a second or two, but who else would? And even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?
Inside every man, woman and child on this planet, there is a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride off in a pickup. There is some bit of Texas in everyone.
Did you ever hear anyone in a bar go, "Wow...so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell me about it?" Do you know why? Because there's no place like Texas.
Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and die for the cause of freedom. We send our kids to schools named William B. Travis and James Bowie and David Crockett and do you know why? Because those men saw a line in the sand and they decided to cross it and be heroes. John Wayne paid to do the movie himself.
That is the Spirit of Texas.
Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto. We have schools named for him, also.Texas is Juneteenth (June 19th) and Texas Independence Day (March 2). Texas is huge forests of Piney Woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest in East Texas. Texas is the breathtaking Davis Mountains in the Big Bend. Texas is the McDonald Observatory in West Texas.
Texas is the unparalleled beauty of bluebonnet fields in the Texas Hill Country.
Texas is the beautiful, warm beaches of the Gulf Coast.
Texas is the shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas.
Texas is the River Walk in San Antonio
Texas is world-record bass from places like Lake Fork.
Texas is Mexican food like nowhere else, not even Mexico.
Texas is the Fort Worth Stockyards, Bass Hall in Ft. Worth, the Ballpark in Arlington, and the Astrodome in Houston. Texas is Dallas or "Big D". Texas is the Pala Dura Canyon near Amarillo.
Texas is the oil industry.
Texas is larger-than-life legends like Willie Nelson, Buddy Holly, Waylon Jennings, Janis Joplin, Kris Kristofferson, Coach Tom Landry, Coach Darrell Royal, "Babe" Didrikson Zaharias, ZZ Top, "Big Bopper", Jim Reeves, George Jones, George Straight, Tommy Lee Jones, Mary Martin, Eric Dickerson, Earl Campbell, Nolan Ryan, Dr. Denton Cooley, Dr. Michael DeBakey, House Speaker Sam Rayburn, Rep. Barbara Jordan, Pres. George Bush, Pres. Lyndon B. Johnson, and Pres. George W. Bush.
Texas is great companies like Dell Computer, Texas Instruments, Blue Bell Ice-cream, and Lockheed Martin Aerospace, home of the F-16 Jet Fighter and the JSF Fighter.
Texas is NASA.
Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops.
Texas is skies blackened with doves, and fields full of deer.
Texas is the Longhorns and the Aggies.
Texas is a place where cities shut down to watch the local High School Football game on Friday nights and for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football.
Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies, and modern cities.
Texas even has its own power grid!!
If it isn't in Texas, you don't need it.
No one does anything bigger or better than it's done in Texas.
By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, California, or Maine and your state flag, whatever it is, goes at 17 feet. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at the same height - 20 feet.
Do you know why? Because it is the only state that was a republic before it became a state.
Also, being a Texan is as high as being an American down here.
Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the capitol building in Washington, D.C. and we can divide our state into five states at any time if we wanted to! (Which of course, we don't!) We included these things as part of the deal when we came on. That's the best part, right there.
If you are a REAL TEXAN you won't even need to be told to pass this on!Thank You Linda P. for this great piece.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Good News
The following is from the my daughter's pastor's Blog. When she forwarded it to me I knew it had to get a bigger audience.
Weary of the Roger Clemens soap opera?
I remember a scene in a Steve Martin movie from years gone by. He is walking down the street of this peaceful town that reminded me a little of Vail, Colorado. He slips a quarter in the newspaper machine [What is that thing called?] and pulls out a paper. He glances at the front page and shrieks in horror. He digs another quarter out of his pocket and throws the paper back in the dispenser. He once again begins his walk and whistles.
That is the way I feel about the news lately. I am weary of politics, recession, ethanol and its effect on the food chain, and candidates telling me that even a small rebate on gas prices really won't help that much. So what do I do? I turn to Sports Center on ESPN. The lead story? Roger Clemens.
I went for a long walk.
In the middle of the week I came across a story that renewed my confidence in the American way of life. If you missed it, this story happened in a remote part of Oregon.
Western Oregon's girls softball team was playing Central Washington's girls team. The winner went to the Division Two Championship Tournament. The loser went home for the summer.
In that game diminutive Sara Tucholsky stepped to the plate. She was a part time starter with a career that could be considered average at best. As a senior this might be her last game as a competitive athlete. The Central Oregon fans heckled her for her petite stature. There were two runners on base. In all of her years of softball, Sara had never hit a home run until this day. One swing of the bat and the ball flew over the fence. HOME RUN!!!
In her excitement rounding the bases, she missed first base. As she went back to tag the base, she turned awkwardly and twisted her knee. She fell to the ground in excruciating pain. She found out later that she had torn her ACL.
This is where the story gets a little complicated. Even though the ball cleared the fence, she had to touch the bases for it to be a homerun. There she lay on the ground very near first base. Her coach desperately wanted to help her, but she was still in "live play." Her coach's intervention would have caused her to be called out; the home run would have been nullified. I am still unclear how all of this would have impacted the runners who scored in front of her.
That is when the first baseman for Central, a star player who had hit many home runs, asked if there was a rule against her carrying her around the bases. The umpire said no. Another Central player came and carried Sara around the bases. They would near a base and slow down. They gingerly placed Sara's left foot on the bag and continued their journey until they touched home.
Their act of sportsmanship hurt their own team. Had they left her there, the best Western could have done was to count the hit as a single and it would have taken runs off the board.
Central lost the game…in some part due to this act of sportsmanship. They did the right thing, even when it cost them.
One day Sara Tucholsky will tell her kids of the day she hit her one and only home run in college in her very last at bat. It is the stuff that childhood fantasies are built on. She will then get to tell them how the other team carried her around the bases. What a great legacy to pass on.
Somewhere in Oregon this weekend Mallory Holtman and Liz Wallace will watch as other Oregon schools go to play in the national tournament as they sit home. They will, however, have the joy of knowing they did the right thing.
When you think of over paid, selfish athletes and become frustrated, remember these two girls from Oregon.
By the way, the play should have never happened. As soon as the runner was unable to carry on, the play should have been called dead and a substitute runner brought in. I am glad that the umps had no clue what to do.
Click on this link to read the whole story: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/columns/story?columnist=hays_graham&id=3372631
Jersey Village Baptist Church
Ed Hogan, Pastor
16518 Jersey Drive
Houston, TX 77040
http://www.jvbc.org
Weary of the Roger Clemens soap opera?
I remember a scene in a Steve Martin movie from years gone by. He is walking down the street of this peaceful town that reminded me a little of Vail, Colorado. He slips a quarter in the newspaper machine [What is that thing called?] and pulls out a paper. He glances at the front page and shrieks in horror. He digs another quarter out of his pocket and throws the paper back in the dispenser. He once again begins his walk and whistles.
That is the way I feel about the news lately. I am weary of politics, recession, ethanol and its effect on the food chain, and candidates telling me that even a small rebate on gas prices really won't help that much. So what do I do? I turn to Sports Center on ESPN. The lead story? Roger Clemens.
I went for a long walk.
In the middle of the week I came across a story that renewed my confidence in the American way of life. If you missed it, this story happened in a remote part of Oregon.
Western Oregon's girls softball team was playing Central Washington's girls team. The winner went to the Division Two Championship Tournament. The loser went home for the summer.
In that game diminutive Sara Tucholsky stepped to the plate. She was a part time starter with a career that could be considered average at best. As a senior this might be her last game as a competitive athlete. The Central Oregon fans heckled her for her petite stature. There were two runners on base. In all of her years of softball, Sara had never hit a home run until this day. One swing of the bat and the ball flew over the fence. HOME RUN!!!
In her excitement rounding the bases, she missed first base. As she went back to tag the base, she turned awkwardly and twisted her knee. She fell to the ground in excruciating pain. She found out later that she had torn her ACL.
This is where the story gets a little complicated. Even though the ball cleared the fence, she had to touch the bases for it to be a homerun. There she lay on the ground very near first base. Her coach desperately wanted to help her, but she was still in "live play." Her coach's intervention would have caused her to be called out; the home run would have been nullified. I am still unclear how all of this would have impacted the runners who scored in front of her.
That is when the first baseman for Central, a star player who had hit many home runs, asked if there was a rule against her carrying her around the bases. The umpire said no. Another Central player came and carried Sara around the bases. They would near a base and slow down. They gingerly placed Sara's left foot on the bag and continued their journey until they touched home.
Their act of sportsmanship hurt their own team. Had they left her there, the best Western could have done was to count the hit as a single and it would have taken runs off the board.
Central lost the game…in some part due to this act of sportsmanship. They did the right thing, even when it cost them.
One day Sara Tucholsky will tell her kids of the day she hit her one and only home run in college in her very last at bat. It is the stuff that childhood fantasies are built on. She will then get to tell them how the other team carried her around the bases. What a great legacy to pass on.
Somewhere in Oregon this weekend Mallory Holtman and Liz Wallace will watch as other Oregon schools go to play in the national tournament as they sit home. They will, however, have the joy of knowing they did the right thing.
When you think of over paid, selfish athletes and become frustrated, remember these two girls from Oregon.
By the way, the play should have never happened. As soon as the runner was unable to carry on, the play should have been called dead and a substitute runner brought in. I am glad that the umps had no clue what to do.
Click on this link to read the whole story: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/columns/story?columnist=hays_graham&id=3372631
Jersey Village Baptist Church
Ed Hogan, Pastor
16518 Jersey Drive
Houston, TX 77040
http://www.jvbc.org
Friday, May 02, 2008
Vegetables
A single friend of mine probably won't make a great mother.
She was visiting with a friend and her friend's baby when
the friend had to use the restroom.
Being left to watch the infant for a bit, the single friend
asked, "What'll I do if he cries?"
"Feed him some vegetables," the mother called back.
It turns out that jalapeno isn't the baby's favorite.
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
She was visiting with a friend and her friend's baby when
the friend had to use the restroom.
Being left to watch the infant for a bit, the single friend
asked, "What'll I do if he cries?"
"Feed him some vegetables," the mother called back.
It turns out that jalapeno isn't the baby's favorite.
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
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