A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store to help him buy groceries. In addition to the healthy items on his wife's carefully prepared list, the two of them returned home with a package of sugar-filled cookies.
"Why in the world did you buy those?" his wife asked. "You know they aren't good for you!"
"Oh, but don't worry, honey, these cookies have one-third less calories than usual in them," the husband replied.
The wife looked all over the package but couldn't find any claim to that fact, so she asked, "What makes you think that?"
"We ate about a third of the box on the way home."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Tough of the Master’s Hand
The Tough of the Master’s Hand
‘Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile;
“What am I bidden, good folks” he cried,
“Who̓ll start the bidding for me?
A dollar—One dollar—then two, only two—
Two dollars, and who̓ll make It three?
Going for three”—but no—
From the room far back, a grayhaired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening the loosened strings,
He played a melody pure and sweetAs a caroling̓ angel sings.
The music ceased and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said, “Now what am I bid for the old violin?”
And he held it up with the bow;
“A thousand dollars—and who̓ll make It two?
Two thousand and who̓ll make it three?
Three thousand once—three thousand twice—
And going—and gone,” cried he;
The people cheered, but some of them cried,
“We don̓t understand;
What changed its worth?” Quick came the reply,
“The touch of a master̓s hand.”
And many a man with life out of tune,
And battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd,
Much like the old violin,
A mess of pottage—a glass of wine
A game—and he travels on;
He̓s going once—and going twice—
He̓s going—and almost gone!
But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd,
Never can quite understand.
The worth of a soul, and the change that̓s wrought
By the tough of the Master’s Hand.
‘Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile;
“What am I bidden, good folks” he cried,
“Who̓ll start the bidding for me?
A dollar—One dollar—then two, only two—
Two dollars, and who̓ll make It three?
Going for three”—but no—
From the room far back, a grayhaired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening the loosened strings,
He played a melody pure and sweetAs a caroling̓ angel sings.
The music ceased and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said, “Now what am I bid for the old violin?”
And he held it up with the bow;
“A thousand dollars—and who̓ll make It two?
Two thousand and who̓ll make it three?
Three thousand once—three thousand twice—
And going—and gone,” cried he;
The people cheered, but some of them cried,
“We don̓t understand;
What changed its worth?” Quick came the reply,
“The touch of a master̓s hand.”
And many a man with life out of tune,
And battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd,
Much like the old violin,
A mess of pottage—a glass of wine
A game—and he travels on;
He̓s going once—and going twice—
He̓s going—and almost gone!
But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd,
Never can quite understand.
The worth of a soul, and the change that̓s wrought
By the tough of the Master’s Hand.
Monday, April 26, 2010
What is Courage.
Quotation:
Take the case of courage. No quality has ever so much
addled the brains and tangled the definitions of merely
rational sages. Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It
means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to
die. "He that will lose his life, the same shall save it," is
not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes. It is a piece
of everyday advice for sailors or mountaineers. It might be
printed in an Alpine guide or a drill book. This paradox is the
whole principle of courage; even of quite earthly or quite
brutal courage. A man cut off by the sea may save his life if
he will risk it on the precipice. He can only get away from
death by continually stepping within an inch of it. A soldier
surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out, needs to
combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness
about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will
be a coward, and will not escape. He must not merely wait for
death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He
must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it;
he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine.
No philosopher, I fancy, has ever expressed this romantic
riddle with adequate lucidity, and I certainly have not done
so. But Christianity has done more: it has marked the limits of
it in the awful graves of the suicide and the hero, showing the
distance between him who dies for the sake of living and him
who dies for the sake of dying. And it has held up ever since
above the European lances the banner of the mystery of
chivalry: the Christian courage, which is a disdain of death;
not the [Oriental] courage, which is a disdain of life.
... Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936), Orthodoxy,
London, New York: John Lane Company, 1909, p. 170
See the book at http://cqod.com/r/rs377
Take the case of courage. No quality has ever so much
addled the brains and tangled the definitions of merely
rational sages. Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It
means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to
die. "He that will lose his life, the same shall save it," is
not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes. It is a piece
of everyday advice for sailors or mountaineers. It might be
printed in an Alpine guide or a drill book. This paradox is the
whole principle of courage; even of quite earthly or quite
brutal courage. A man cut off by the sea may save his life if
he will risk it on the precipice. He can only get away from
death by continually stepping within an inch of it. A soldier
surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out, needs to
combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness
about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will
be a coward, and will not escape. He must not merely wait for
death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He
must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it;
he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine.
No philosopher, I fancy, has ever expressed this romantic
riddle with adequate lucidity, and I certainly have not done
so. But Christianity has done more: it has marked the limits of
it in the awful graves of the suicide and the hero, showing the
distance between him who dies for the sake of living and him
who dies for the sake of dying. And it has held up ever since
above the European lances the banner of the mystery of
chivalry: the Christian courage, which is a disdain of death;
not the [Oriental] courage, which is a disdain of life.
... Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936), Orthodoxy,
London, New York: John Lane Company, 1909, p. 170
See the book at http://cqod.com/r/rs377
Friday, April 23, 2010
Kitchen Wizard
We returned a day early due to a conflict in where we were parked. Here is one piece of humor among the 869 emails waiting for me.
"My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.
Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
"My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.
Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Last Blog for a couple of weeks
We will be leaving tomorrow for a church building job at Port Lavaca, Texas. We should be back home on the 24th and back to blogging soon after.
In the mean time I am planning to spend my free time meditating on the following scripture and commentary.
Have a good April.
1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.
2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:1,2
New King James Version (NKJV)
Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
About this commentary:
Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible is available in the Public Domain.
Believers are to dedicate themselves to God.
The apostle having closed the part of his epistle wherein he argues and proves various doctrines which are practically applied, here urges important duties from gospel principles. He entreated the Romans, as his brethren in Christ, by the mercies of God, to present their bodies as a living sacrifice to Him. This is a powerful appeal. We receive from the Lord every day the fruits of his mercy. Let us render ourselves; all we are, all we have, all we can do: and after all, what return is it for such very rich receivings? It is acceptable to God: a reasonable service, which we are able and ready to give a reason for, and which we understand. Conversion and sanctification are the renewing of the mind; a change, not of the substance, but of the qualities of the soul. The progress of sanctification, dying to sin more and more, and living to righteousness more and more, is the carrying on this renewing work, till it is perfected in glory. The great enemy to this renewal is, conformity to this world. Take heed of forming plans for happiness, as though it lay in the things of this world, which soon pass away. Do not fall in with the customs of those who walk in the lusts of the flesh, and mind earthly things. The work of the Holy Ghost first begins in the understanding, and is carried on to the will, affections, and conversation, till there is a change of the whole man into the likeness of God, in knowledge, righteousness, and true holiness. Thus, to be godly, is to give up ourselves to God. (
In the mean time I am planning to spend my free time meditating on the following scripture and commentary.
Have a good April.
1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.
2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:1,2
New King James Version (NKJV)
Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
About this commentary:
Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible is available in the Public Domain.
Believers are to dedicate themselves to God.
The apostle having closed the part of his epistle wherein he argues and proves various doctrines which are practically applied, here urges important duties from gospel principles. He entreated the Romans, as his brethren in Christ, by the mercies of God, to present their bodies as a living sacrifice to Him. This is a powerful appeal. We receive from the Lord every day the fruits of his mercy. Let us render ourselves; all we are, all we have, all we can do: and after all, what return is it for such very rich receivings? It is acceptable to God: a reasonable service, which we are able and ready to give a reason for, and which we understand. Conversion and sanctification are the renewing of the mind; a change, not of the substance, but of the qualities of the soul. The progress of sanctification, dying to sin more and more, and living to righteousness more and more, is the carrying on this renewing work, till it is perfected in glory. The great enemy to this renewal is, conformity to this world. Take heed of forming plans for happiness, as though it lay in the things of this world, which soon pass away. Do not fall in with the customs of those who walk in the lusts of the flesh, and mind earthly things. The work of the Holy Ghost first begins in the understanding, and is carried on to the will, affections, and conversation, till there is a change of the whole man into the likeness of God, in knowledge, righteousness, and true holiness. Thus, to be godly, is to give up ourselves to God. (
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Wilderness Trip
The first carload of Boy Scouts had left my house minutes earlier, bound for our three-day wilderness trip. As I backed my own van load of Scouts out of my garage, I noticed a pair of hiking boots on the back steps, so I stopped to retrieve them.
An hour later, we caught up with the first car, which was parked at a highway rest stop. Seeing me pull up, my assistant Scout leader rolled down his window. "Your wife just called on my cell phone," he said. "She asked if you knew anything about the plumber's boots that were on your back steps."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
An hour later, we caught up with the first car, which was parked at a highway rest stop. Seeing me pull up, my assistant Scout leader rolled down his window. "Your wife just called on my cell phone," he said. "She asked if you knew anything about the plumber's boots that were on your back steps."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Monday, April 05, 2010
Trip Tickets
Mr. and Mrs. Frobisher had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in Majorca. "I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Mr. Frobisher.
"What on earth for?" asked his wife.
"I've left the tickets on it."
*Thanks to Pastor Timfor this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
"What on earth for?" asked his wife.
"I've left the tickets on it."
*Thanks to Pastor Timfor this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Sunday, April 04, 2010
The Preacher's Wife
The Preacher's Wife
There Is one person in your church
Who knows your preacher̓s life;
She̓s wept and smiled and prayed with him,
And that̓s your preacher̓s wife!
She knows your prophet̓s weakest point,
And knows his greatest power;
She̓s heard him speak In trumpet tone,
In his great triumph hour.
She̓s heard him groaning In his soul,
When bitter raged the strife,
As hand in his, she knelt with him—
For she̓s the preacher̓s wife!
The crowd has seen him in his strength,
When glistened his drawn sword
As underneath God̓s banner folds
He faced the devil̓s horde,
But she knows deep within her heart
That scarce an hour before
She helped him pray the glory down
Behind a closed door.
You tell your tales of prophets brave
Who walked across the world
And changed the course of history
By burning words they hurled.
And I will tell how back of them
Some woman lived their lives;
Who wept with them, and smiled with them—
They were the preacher̓s wives.
There Is one person in your church
Who knows your preacher̓s life;
She̓s wept and smiled and prayed with him,
And that̓s your preacher̓s wife!
She knows your prophet̓s weakest point,
And knows his greatest power;
She̓s heard him speak In trumpet tone,
In his great triumph hour.
She̓s heard him groaning In his soul,
When bitter raged the strife,
As hand in his, she knelt with him—
For she̓s the preacher̓s wife!
The crowd has seen him in his strength,
When glistened his drawn sword
As underneath God̓s banner folds
He faced the devil̓s horde,
But she knows deep within her heart
That scarce an hour before
She helped him pray the glory down
Behind a closed door.
You tell your tales of prophets brave
Who walked across the world
And changed the course of history
By burning words they hurled.
And I will tell how back of them
Some woman lived their lives;
Who wept with them, and smiled with them—
They were the preacher̓s wives.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
THE BETTER WAY
The following saying is one that we should all keep in mind while watching the news of what is happening in government circles.
THE BETTER WAY
“It is better to lose with a conscience clean
Than to win with a trick unfair;
It is better to fail and to know you̓ve been
Whatever the price was, square,
Than to claim the joy of a far-off goal
And the cheers of the passerby,
And to know down deep in your inmost soul
A cheat you must live and die.
Who wins by tricks may take the prize,
And at first he may think it sweet,
But many a day in the future lies
When he̓ll wish he had met defeat;
For the man who lost shall be glad at heart
And walk with his head up high,
While his conqueror knows he must play the part
Of a cheat and a living lie.
The prize seems fair when the fight is on,
But since it is not truly won,
You will hate the thing when the crowds are gone,
For it stands for a false deed done;
And it̓s better you never should reach your goal
Than ever success to buy,
At the price of knowing deep down in your soul
That your glory is all a lie.”
Unknown
THE BETTER WAY
“It is better to lose with a conscience clean
Than to win with a trick unfair;
It is better to fail and to know you̓ve been
Whatever the price was, square,
Than to claim the joy of a far-off goal
And the cheers of the passerby,
And to know down deep in your inmost soul
A cheat you must live and die.
Who wins by tricks may take the prize,
And at first he may think it sweet,
But many a day in the future lies
When he̓ll wish he had met defeat;
For the man who lost shall be glad at heart
And walk with his head up high,
While his conqueror knows he must play the part
Of a cheat and a living lie.
The prize seems fair when the fight is on,
But since it is not truly won,
You will hate the thing when the crowds are gone,
For it stands for a false deed done;
And it̓s better you never should reach your goal
Than ever success to buy,
At the price of knowing deep down in your soul
That your glory is all a lie.”
Unknown
Friday, April 02, 2010
Toy Advice
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.
"First I'd have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath."He's very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well..."
"Oh, I see," the psychologist said. "It's YOUR child!"
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
"First I'd have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath."He's very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well..."
"Oh, I see," the psychologist said. "It's YOUR child!"
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Pray Without Ceasing
Today's post is from: Pulpit Magazine's site:
http://www.sfpulpit.com/2008/01/22/pray-without-ceasing/
Pray Without Ceasing
January 22nd, 2008
(By John MacArthur)
What does it mean to pray without ceasing?
Unceasing, incessant prayer is essential to the vitality of your relationship to the Lord and your ability to function in the world. But exactly what does it mean to pray without ceasing?
The first time someone hears about the concept of praying without ceasing it may conjure up the image of Christians walking around with their hands folded, heads bowed, and eyes closed, bumping into things. While certain postures and specific times set aside for prayer have an important bearing on our communication with God, to “pray at all times” obviously does not mean we are to pray in formal or noticeable ways every waking moment. And it does not mean you’re supposed to devote yourself to reciting ritualistic patterns and forms of prayer.
To “pray without ceasing” refers to recurring prayer, not nonstop talking. Prayer is to be a way of life — you’re to be continually in an attitude of prayer. It is living in continual God-consciousness, where everything you see and experience becomes a kind of prayer, lived in deep awareness of and surrender to Him. It should be instant and intimate communication — not unlike that which we enjoy with our best friend.
To “pray without ceasing” means when you are tempted, you hold the temptation before God and ask for His help. When you experience something good and beautiful, you immediately thank the Lord for it. When you see evil around you, you ask God to make it right and to use you toward that end, if that is His will. When you meet someone who does not know Christ, you pray for God to draw that person to Himself and to use you to be a faithful witness. When you encounter trouble, you turn to God as your Deliverer.
Thus life becomes a continually ascending prayer: all life’s thoughts, deeds, and circumstances become an opportunity to commune with your Heavenly Father. In that way you constantly set your mind “on the things above, not on the things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:2).
(Today’s post is adapted from John’s book Alone With God [Victor, 1995], pp. 15-17)
http://www.sfpulpit.com/2008/01/22/pray-without-ceasing/
Pray Without Ceasing
January 22nd, 2008
(By John MacArthur)
What does it mean to pray without ceasing?
Unceasing, incessant prayer is essential to the vitality of your relationship to the Lord and your ability to function in the world. But exactly what does it mean to pray without ceasing?
The first time someone hears about the concept of praying without ceasing it may conjure up the image of Christians walking around with their hands folded, heads bowed, and eyes closed, bumping into things. While certain postures and specific times set aside for prayer have an important bearing on our communication with God, to “pray at all times” obviously does not mean we are to pray in formal or noticeable ways every waking moment. And it does not mean you’re supposed to devote yourself to reciting ritualistic patterns and forms of prayer.
To “pray without ceasing” refers to recurring prayer, not nonstop talking. Prayer is to be a way of life — you’re to be continually in an attitude of prayer. It is living in continual God-consciousness, where everything you see and experience becomes a kind of prayer, lived in deep awareness of and surrender to Him. It should be instant and intimate communication — not unlike that which we enjoy with our best friend.
To “pray without ceasing” means when you are tempted, you hold the temptation before God and ask for His help. When you experience something good and beautiful, you immediately thank the Lord for it. When you see evil around you, you ask God to make it right and to use you toward that end, if that is His will. When you meet someone who does not know Christ, you pray for God to draw that person to Himself and to use you to be a faithful witness. When you encounter trouble, you turn to God as your Deliverer.
Thus life becomes a continually ascending prayer: all life’s thoughts, deeds, and circumstances become an opportunity to commune with your Heavenly Father. In that way you constantly set your mind “on the things above, not on the things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:2).
(Today’s post is adapted from John’s book Alone With God [Victor, 1995], pp. 15-17)
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