Mark Twain's contention was that the most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. These words of wisdom were all spoken by children under 10.
You can listen to thunder after lightening to tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it never mind.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explains why you look like your father ... and if you don't, why you should.
Vacuums are nothing. I only mention them to let them know we know they are there.
Some people can tell the time by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
I am not sure how clouds get formed but the clouds know how to do it and that is the important thing.
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Charles Spurgeon's Birthday and Bible
The following is from: Desiring God Blog
June 19, 2010
| By: Jeff Lacine
The Bible is God’s Bible; and when I see it, I seem to hear a voice springing up from it, saying, “I am the book of God; man, read me. I am God’s writing; open my leaf, for I was penned by God; read it, for he is my author, and you will see him visible and manifest everywhere. -Charles Spurgeon
Charles Spurgeon was born on June 19th (today) in 1834, and was made by God to be a gift to the body of Christ. His preaching impacted tens of thousands of people in his own day and millions since that time.
He was a pastor who was unwaveringly committed to Jesus Christ, and therefore unwaveringly committed to the Bible. He preached in a manner worthy of the message he proclaimed, fervently and with great conviction, to audiences of more than 10,000 with no modern amplification.
This past April I was in Louisville for T4G, and in my free time I took a tour of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Perhaps the highlight of the tour was the viewing of Charles Spurgeon’s personal Bible in the James P. Boyce Centennial Library.
To see Spurgeon’s personal Bible, stained with the oil of his fingers and weathered by his times of private worship, moved me deeply. I was not moved because the man who turned the pages of this Bible was great. Rather, I was moved because a man caught such a glimpse of the almighty God in turning its pages.
And may God, in his infinite mercy, when you read your Bibles, pour into your souls the illuminating rays of the Sun of Righteousness, by the agency of the ever-adorable Spirit; then you will read to your profit and to your soul's salvation.
For more on Spurgeon's life and ministry, check out John Piper’s biography of Charles Spurgeon from our 1995 Pastors Conference.
Quotes taken from Charles Spurgeon's sermon from March 18, 1855.
June 19, 2010
| By: Jeff Lacine
The Bible is God’s Bible; and when I see it, I seem to hear a voice springing up from it, saying, “I am the book of God; man, read me. I am God’s writing; open my leaf, for I was penned by God; read it, for he is my author, and you will see him visible and manifest everywhere. -Charles Spurgeon
Charles Spurgeon was born on June 19th (today) in 1834, and was made by God to be a gift to the body of Christ. His preaching impacted tens of thousands of people in his own day and millions since that time.
He was a pastor who was unwaveringly committed to Jesus Christ, and therefore unwaveringly committed to the Bible. He preached in a manner worthy of the message he proclaimed, fervently and with great conviction, to audiences of more than 10,000 with no modern amplification.
This past April I was in Louisville for T4G, and in my free time I took a tour of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Perhaps the highlight of the tour was the viewing of Charles Spurgeon’s personal Bible in the James P. Boyce Centennial Library.
To see Spurgeon’s personal Bible, stained with the oil of his fingers and weathered by his times of private worship, moved me deeply. I was not moved because the man who turned the pages of this Bible was great. Rather, I was moved because a man caught such a glimpse of the almighty God in turning its pages.
And may God, in his infinite mercy, when you read your Bibles, pour into your souls the illuminating rays of the Sun of Righteousness, by the agency of the ever-adorable Spirit; then you will read to your profit and to your soul's salvation.
For more on Spurgeon's life and ministry, check out John Piper’s biography of Charles Spurgeon from our 1995 Pastors Conference.
Quotes taken from Charles Spurgeon's sermon from March 18, 1855.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Real men DO cry
12:18 6/15/2010, adrian.warnock@gmail.com (Adrian Warnock), personal, Adrian's Blog
A couple of weeks back I was on my way to the Dwell conference, an Acts 29 event. I was listening to Lou Fellingham’s new album on my iPhone. As I neared the meeting place the track “My God Cares” came on. Without any warning, I found myself moved to tears. The compassion of God impacted me once again. I was caught up in the moment, experiencing the love of God, and amazed by his unrelenting desire to save.
But then a wave of slight anxiety hit me. I was about to go into a public meeting. It was with Acts 29 no less. Acts 29 who are well known for emphasising true masculinity. I do, of course, totally agree that we must encourage our men to be manly. I agree that effeminate Christians are causing massive damage to the cause of Christ. How then could I go into an event like this with eyes still wet from tears? I choked back my emotional outpouring, containing myself once again. I did not want to make a bad impression on my masculine Acts 29 friends. After all, I don’t cry often, but they wouldn’t know that would they?
Since then I have found myself thinking often about my embarrassment over my uncontrolled emotions. I suppose that similar thoughts hold many of us back from any form of exuberance or heartfelt response to God in worship, especially in public. Where, though, do we get the idea that it is not manly to be floored by the ruler of the universe? Do we think we are stronger than God himself? Do we think he wants us to be like some foolish young pup of a boy, aggressively strutting himself in the face of a master fighter twice his size, twice his age, and able to knock him out with one blow? No, eating the floor is a more appropriate and wise response to the God that we serve. It is very wrong for us to feel we can and should be unmoved by him. It is not masculine to forget out true place before someone so much more powerful than us!
There is, however, an even more important point here. We must not elevate our own sub culture’s interpretation of what is a true man above Scripture. Throughout the Bible we see examples of men who, without becoming effeminate, were very much in touch with their emotions. It is impossible to read the psalms of David without appreciating he was a man very much in touch with his emotions and able to express them incredibly eloquently. I doubt anyone would have dared suggest to this deadly warrior that he was somehow less of a man as a result!
Most importantly of all, Jesus was the ultimate man. He was the perfect man. He fulfilled all God’s intentions for the male of our species in every way. Yet, in the shortest verse of the Bible, we are told that “Jesus wept.” I have preached a sermon on the story of Lazarus three times now, and each time I also found myself weeping. I hope that the thinking that has led to this post will mean that I am no longer in any way ashamed of that. If my Lord and saviour can cry, then surely it is good enough for me?
A couple of weeks back I was on my way to the Dwell conference, an Acts 29 event. I was listening to Lou Fellingham’s new album on my iPhone. As I neared the meeting place the track “My God Cares” came on. Without any warning, I found myself moved to tears. The compassion of God impacted me once again. I was caught up in the moment, experiencing the love of God, and amazed by his unrelenting desire to save.
But then a wave of slight anxiety hit me. I was about to go into a public meeting. It was with Acts 29 no less. Acts 29 who are well known for emphasising true masculinity. I do, of course, totally agree that we must encourage our men to be manly. I agree that effeminate Christians are causing massive damage to the cause of Christ. How then could I go into an event like this with eyes still wet from tears? I choked back my emotional outpouring, containing myself once again. I did not want to make a bad impression on my masculine Acts 29 friends. After all, I don’t cry often, but they wouldn’t know that would they?
Since then I have found myself thinking often about my embarrassment over my uncontrolled emotions. I suppose that similar thoughts hold many of us back from any form of exuberance or heartfelt response to God in worship, especially in public. Where, though, do we get the idea that it is not manly to be floored by the ruler of the universe? Do we think we are stronger than God himself? Do we think he wants us to be like some foolish young pup of a boy, aggressively strutting himself in the face of a master fighter twice his size, twice his age, and able to knock him out with one blow? No, eating the floor is a more appropriate and wise response to the God that we serve. It is very wrong for us to feel we can and should be unmoved by him. It is not masculine to forget out true place before someone so much more powerful than us!
There is, however, an even more important point here. We must not elevate our own sub culture’s interpretation of what is a true man above Scripture. Throughout the Bible we see examples of men who, without becoming effeminate, were very much in touch with their emotions. It is impossible to read the psalms of David without appreciating he was a man very much in touch with his emotions and able to express them incredibly eloquently. I doubt anyone would have dared suggest to this deadly warrior that he was somehow less of a man as a result!
Most importantly of all, Jesus was the ultimate man. He was the perfect man. He fulfilled all God’s intentions for the male of our species in every way. Yet, in the shortest verse of the Bible, we are told that “Jesus wept.” I have preached a sermon on the story of Lazarus three times now, and each time I also found myself weeping. I hope that the thinking that has led to this post will mean that I am no longer in any way ashamed of that. If my Lord and saviour can cry, then surely it is good enough for me?
Monday, June 14, 2010
Worship: God's Inward Necessity
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
--Genesis 1:27
I believe that He created man out of no external necessity. I believe it was an internal necessity. God, being the God He was and is, and being infinitely perfect and infinitely beautiful and infinitely glorious and infinitely admirable and infinitely loving, out of His own inward necessity had to have some creature that was capable of admiring Him and loving Him and knowing Him. So God made man in His own image; in the image and likeness of God made He him; and He made him as near to being like Himself as it was possible for the creature to be like the Creator. The most godlike thing in the universe is the soul of man.
The reason God made man in His image was that he might appreciate God and admire and adore and worship; so that God might not be a picture, so to speak, hanging in a gallery with nobody looking at Him. He might not be a flower that no one could smell; He might not be a star that no one could see. God made somebody to smell
that flower, the lily of the valley. He wanted someone to see that glorious image. He wanted someone to see the star, so He made us and in making us He made us to worship Him Worship: The Missing Jewel, 3.
"What an incredible thought, Almighty God, that You desire and even in some sense need my worship! Be pleased this morning, Lord, as I do indeed smell the flower and see the star, as I 'admire and adore and worship.' Amen."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
--Genesis 1:27
I believe that He created man out of no external necessity. I believe it was an internal necessity. God, being the God He was and is, and being infinitely perfect and infinitely beautiful and infinitely glorious and infinitely admirable and infinitely loving, out of His own inward necessity had to have some creature that was capable of admiring Him and loving Him and knowing Him. So God made man in His own image; in the image and likeness of God made He him; and He made him as near to being like Himself as it was possible for the creature to be like the Creator. The most godlike thing in the universe is the soul of man.
The reason God made man in His image was that he might appreciate God and admire and adore and worship; so that God might not be a picture, so to speak, hanging in a gallery with nobody looking at Him. He might not be a flower that no one could smell; He might not be a star that no one could see. God made somebody to smell
that flower, the lily of the valley. He wanted someone to see that glorious image. He wanted someone to see the star, so He made us and in making us He made us to worship Him Worship: The Missing Jewel, 3.
"What an incredible thought, Almighty God, that You desire and even in some sense need my worship! Be pleased this morning, Lord, as I do indeed smell the flower and see the star, as I 'admire and adore and worship.' Amen."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Worship: Honor This Purpose
When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to Abram and said to him, "I am Almighty God; walk before Me and be blameless."
--Genesis 17:1
Without argument, most things are at their best when they are fulfilling their purpose and design.
For instance, a piano is made with a specific purpose: to produce music. However, I happen to know that someone once stood on a piano in order to put a fastener of some kind in the ceiling. Some artistic women have used piano tops as family picture galleries. I have seen piano tops that were cluttered filing cabinets or wide library shelves.
There is an intelligent design in the creation of a piano. The manufacturer did not announce: "This is a good piano. It has at least 19 uses!" No, the designer had only one thought in mind: "This piano will have the purpose and potential of sounding forth beautiful music!"...
Do not miss the application of truth here. God was saying to Abraham, "You may have some other idea about the design and purpose for your life, but you are wrong! You were created in My image to worship Me and to glorify Me. If you do not honor this
purpose, your life will degenerate into shallow, selfish, humanistic pursuits. Men Who Met God, 23.
"Lord, so many lives today have indeed degenerated into 'shallow, selfish, umanistic pursuits.' Work through me this week to help people with whom I come in contact to see the one purpose for which You created us. Amen."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
--Genesis 17:1
Without argument, most things are at their best when they are fulfilling their purpose and design.
For instance, a piano is made with a specific purpose: to produce music. However, I happen to know that someone once stood on a piano in order to put a fastener of some kind in the ceiling. Some artistic women have used piano tops as family picture galleries. I have seen piano tops that were cluttered filing cabinets or wide library shelves.
There is an intelligent design in the creation of a piano. The manufacturer did not announce: "This is a good piano. It has at least 19 uses!" No, the designer had only one thought in mind: "This piano will have the purpose and potential of sounding forth beautiful music!"...
Do not miss the application of truth here. God was saying to Abraham, "You may have some other idea about the design and purpose for your life, but you are wrong! You were created in My image to worship Me and to glorify Me. If you do not honor this
purpose, your life will degenerate into shallow, selfish, humanistic pursuits. Men Who Met God, 23.
"Lord, so many lives today have indeed degenerated into 'shallow, selfish, umanistic pursuits.' Work through me this week to help people with whom I come in contact to see the one purpose for which You created us. Amen."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Wal-Mart Versus Morons
1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart Every hour of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private Employer, and most speak English.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 Years ago.
11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.
You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to Fix the economy.
This should be read and understood by all Americans : Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE!!
To all 535 voting members of the Legislature, It is now official you are ALL morons:
The U.S. Post Service was established in 1775. You have had 234 years to get it right and it is BROKE
Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 74 years to get it right and it is BROKE.
Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 71 years to get it right and it is BROKE.
War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 45 years to get it right; 1$ trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor" . They want MORE .
Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 44 years to get it right and they are BROKE .
Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 39 years to get it right and it is BROKE .
The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000 employees With a budget of $24 billion a year and we import more oil than ever before. You had 32 years to get it right and it is an abysmal FAILURE.
You have FAILED in every "government service" you have shoved down our throats while overspending our tax dollars.
AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU
CAN BE TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN
HEALTH CARE SYSTEM??
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private Employer, and most speak English.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 Years ago.
11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.
You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to Fix the economy.
This should be read and understood by all Americans : Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE!!
To all 535 voting members of the Legislature, It is now official you are ALL morons:
The U.S. Post Service was established in 1775. You have had 234 years to get it right and it is BROKE
Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 74 years to get it right and it is BROKE.
Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 71 years to get it right and it is BROKE.
War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 45 years to get it right; 1$ trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor" . They want MORE .
Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 44 years to get it right and they are BROKE .
Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 39 years to get it right and it is BROKE .
The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000 employees With a budget of $24 billion a year and we import more oil than ever before. You had 32 years to get it right and it is an abysmal FAILURE.
You have FAILED in every "government service" you have shoved down our throats while overspending our tax dollars.
AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU
CAN BE TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN
HEALTH CARE SYSTEM??
Friday, June 11, 2010
Quotation:
Some day you will read in the papers that D. L. Moody, of
East Northfield, is dead. Don't you believe a word of it! At
that moment I shall be more alive than I am now. I shall have
gone up higher, that is all; out of this old clay tenement into
a house that is immortal, a body that death cannot touch, that
sin cannot taint, a body like unto His own glorious body. I was
born of the flesh in 1837. I was born of the Spirit in 1856.
That which is born of the flesh may die. That which is born of
the Spirit will live forever.
... Dwight Lyman Moody (1837-1899), quoted in The Shorter
Life of D. L. Moody, v. 1, Paul Dwight Moody & Arthur
Percy Fit, Chicago: The Bible Institute Colportage
Association, 1900, p. 9
See the book at http://cqod.com/r/rs421
East Northfield, is dead. Don't you believe a word of it! At
that moment I shall be more alive than I am now. I shall have
gone up higher, that is all; out of this old clay tenement into
a house that is immortal, a body that death cannot touch, that
sin cannot taint, a body like unto His own glorious body. I was
born of the flesh in 1837. I was born of the Spirit in 1856.
That which is born of the flesh may die. That which is born of
the Spirit will live forever.
... Dwight Lyman Moody (1837-1899), quoted in The Shorter
Life of D. L. Moody, v. 1, Paul Dwight Moody & Arthur
Percy Fit, Chicago: The Bible Institute Colportage
Association, 1900, p. 9
See the book at http://cqod.com/r/rs421
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Quotation:
This Prayer is especially to be used in temptation to private sin.
O almighty God, infinite and eternal, You fill all things with Your presence; You are every where by Your essence and by Your power; in heaven by glory, in holy places by Your grace and favor, in the hearts of Your servants by Your Spirit, in the consciences of all men by Your testimony and observation of us. Teach me to walk always as in Your presence, to fear Your majesty, to reverence Your wisdom and omniscience; that I may never dare to commit any indecency in the eye of my Lord and my Judge; but that I may with so much care and reverence demean myself that my Judge may not be my accuser, but my advocate; that I, expressing the belief of Your presence here by careful walking, may feel the effects of it in the participation of eternal glory, through Jesus Christ. Amen.
... Jeremy Taylor (1613-1667), Holy Living [1650], in The Whole Works of the Right Rev. Jeremy Taylor, D.D., v. III, London: Longman, Brown, Green & Longmans, 1847, p. 43
See the book at http://cqod.com/r/rs420
O almighty God, infinite and eternal, You fill all things with Your presence; You are every where by Your essence and by Your power; in heaven by glory, in holy places by Your grace and favor, in the hearts of Your servants by Your Spirit, in the consciences of all men by Your testimony and observation of us. Teach me to walk always as in Your presence, to fear Your majesty, to reverence Your wisdom and omniscience; that I may never dare to commit any indecency in the eye of my Lord and my Judge; but that I may with so much care and reverence demean myself that my Judge may not be my accuser, but my advocate; that I, expressing the belief of Your presence here by careful walking, may feel the effects of it in the participation of eternal glory, through Jesus Christ. Amen.
... Jeremy Taylor (1613-1667), Holy Living [1650], in The Whole Works of the Right Rev. Jeremy Taylor, D.D., v. III, London: Longman, Brown, Green & Longmans, 1847, p. 43
See the book at http://cqod.com/r/rs420
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
A little church humor
Do you know your (specific) hymn(s)?
Dentist's Hymn.................Crown Him with Many Crowns
Weatherman's Hymn........There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
Contractor's Hymn...........The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn..........................Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn.............There's a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn....................Standing on the Promises
Optometrist's Hymn...........Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn....................I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn.........................Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn...................Send The Light
The Shopper's Hymn.......................Sweet Bye and Bye
The Realtor's Hymn.............I've Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn.......He Touched Me
The Doctor's Hymn............................The Great Physician
Sunday School Children's Hymn ... Tell Me the Stories of Jesus
AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
45mph...................God Will Take Care of You
65mph...................Nearer My God To Thee
85mph...................This World Is Not My Home
95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home
100mph..................Precious Memories
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
Dentist's Hymn.................Crown Him with Many Crowns
Weatherman's Hymn........There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
Contractor's Hymn...........The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn..........................Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn.............There's a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn....................Standing on the Promises
Optometrist's Hymn...........Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn....................I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn.........................Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn...................Send The Light
The Shopper's Hymn.......................Sweet Bye and Bye
The Realtor's Hymn.............I've Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn.......He Touched Me
The Doctor's Hymn............................The Great Physician
Sunday School Children's Hymn ... Tell Me the Stories of Jesus
AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
45mph...................God Will Take Care of You
65mph...................Nearer My God To Thee
85mph...................This World Is Not My Home
95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home
100mph..................Precious Memories
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
The English Language
Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What on earth does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What on earth does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Friday, June 04, 2010
Worship: Beyond Thanksgiving
WE will be gone for several days for a mini vacation.
The following Tozer devotional came in today. If you find this interesting you may want to subscribe;e to their daily email. The link to subscribe is: http://www.litmin.org/
Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and His greatness is
unsearchable.
--Psalm 145:3
The dictionary says that to admire is "to regard with wondering esteem accompanied by pleasure and delight; to look at or upon with an elevated feeling of pleasure." According to this definition, God has few admirers among Christians today.
Many are they who are grateful for His goodness in providing salvation. At thanksgiving time the churches ring with songs of gratitude that "all is safely gathered in." Testimony meetings are mostly devoted to recitations of incidents where someone got into trouble and got out again in answer to prayer. To decry this would be uncharitable and unscriptural, for there is much of the same thing
in the Book of Psalms. It is good and right to render unto God thanksgiving for all His mercies to us. But God's admirers, where are they?
The simple truth is that worship is elementary until it begins to take on the quality of admiration. Just as long as the worshiper is engrossed with himself and his good fortune, he is a babe. We begin to grow up when our worship passes from thanksgiving to admiration. As our hearts rise to God in lofty esteem for that which He is ("I AM THAT I AM"), we begin to share a little of the selfless pleasure which is the portion of the blessed in heaven. That Incredible Christian, 127.
"Almighty God, I want to be one of Your admirers. Help me to pass beyond thanksgiving even this morning to lofty esteem and selfless admiration. Amen."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
The following Tozer devotional came in today. If you find this interesting you may want to subscribe;e to their daily email. The link to subscribe is: http://www.litmin.org/
Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and His greatness is
unsearchable.
--Psalm 145:3
The dictionary says that to admire is "to regard with wondering esteem accompanied by pleasure and delight; to look at or upon with an elevated feeling of pleasure." According to this definition, God has few admirers among Christians today.
Many are they who are grateful for His goodness in providing salvation. At thanksgiving time the churches ring with songs of gratitude that "all is safely gathered in." Testimony meetings are mostly devoted to recitations of incidents where someone got into trouble and got out again in answer to prayer. To decry this would be uncharitable and unscriptural, for there is much of the same thing
in the Book of Psalms. It is good and right to render unto God thanksgiving for all His mercies to us. But God's admirers, where are they?
The simple truth is that worship is elementary until it begins to take on the quality of admiration. Just as long as the worshiper is engrossed with himself and his good fortune, he is a babe. We begin to grow up when our worship passes from thanksgiving to admiration. As our hearts rise to God in lofty esteem for that which He is ("I AM THAT I AM"), we begin to share a little of the selfless pleasure which is the portion of the blessed in heaven. That Incredible Christian, 127.
"Almighty God, I want to be one of Your admirers. Help me to pass beyond thanksgiving even this morning to lofty esteem and selfless admiration. Amen."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Dead Politicians
A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them.
The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"
The man answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"
The man answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Two Plus Two
A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?"
The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the statistician and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The statistician says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?"
The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the statistician and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The statistician says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
