Little Old Lady
There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!"
One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: "THERE IS NO LORD!"
Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day. One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!
Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!"
The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there. "PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!"
The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: "THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"
The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!"
Received from Donald Pohlner.
--
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Thursday, January 17, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Most Embarrassing First Date
-------------------------------------------------
MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#8016 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
-------------------------------------------------
Sticky First Date
==================
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they
were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a
while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point
where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
In the deep snow, she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic, and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal.
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down."
And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment... "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off." Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/8016.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings into your mailbox.
Change a life, give a friend MountainWings.
See you tomorrow.
MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#8016 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
-------------------------------------------------
Sticky First Date
==================
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they
were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a
while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point
where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
In the deep snow, she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic, and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal.
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down."
And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment... "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off." Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/8016.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings into your mailbox.
Change a life, give a friend MountainWings.
See you tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
A Little Too Heavy
A good friend sent the pictures. His comments are:
"I think this qualifies as an "OOPS" moment for sure!
A friend from Arkansas sent this.....so I'm assuming it happened somewhere close to him!"
Questions that come to mind is how to get the building back on its wheels. Also, the building must have a good strong frame to be able to be supported on both ends without buckling!
Maybe next time the mover will believe those signs that give the load limits of bridges.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Walk-in-Scream
Today's CleanLaugh - "Walk-in Scream"
A woman went to a walk-in clinic, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him what had happened.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another exam room.
The doctor marched down the hallway back to where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?!"
The young doctor continued to write on his clipboard, and without looking up, asked, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
Thanks Pastor Tim.
_________________________________________
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communications
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Pastor Tim pastors at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia http://www.westsidefamily.org
A woman went to a walk-in clinic, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him what had happened.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another exam room.
The doctor marched down the hallway back to where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?!"
The young doctor continued to write on his clipboard, and without looking up, asked, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
Thanks Pastor Tim.
_________________________________________
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communications
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Pastor Tim pastors at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia http://www.westsidefamily.org
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The Bum
-------------------------------------------------
MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#1081 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
-------------------------------------------------
The Bum
========
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
James D. Miles
Everyone respects and helps the millionaire, the famous, the boss, those with beauty and brains. What about the bum on the street?
This is a real story. It happened to me, the writer of MountainWings.com.
I was parked in front of the church cleaning out my Jeep. I was waiting on someone. Coming my way from across the street was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don't want to be bothered. This was one of those "don't want to be bothered times."
"I hope he doesn't ask me for any money," I thought.
He didn't.
He came and sat on the wall in front of the bus stop to wait on the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. "That's a very pretty Jeep," he said. He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard keep more than his face warm.
I said, "thanks," and continued cleaning out the Jeep.
He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, "ask him if he needs any help." I was sure that he would say "yes" but I held true to the inner voice.
"Do you need any help?" I asked.
He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and acomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.
"Don't we all?" he said.
I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun. Don't we all?
I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to take a cab anywhere in the city and get food and shelter for the day.
Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help.
Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that. You never know when you may see someone who appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don't have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see.
Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves. Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, "go minister to that man cleaning the Jeep, that man needs help."
Don't we all?
~A MountainWings Original~
The above is from Mountain Wings. This item can be found at: http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1081.htm
MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#1081 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
-------------------------------------------------
The Bum
========
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
James D. Miles
Everyone respects and helps the millionaire, the famous, the boss, those with beauty and brains. What about the bum on the street?
This is a real story. It happened to me, the writer of MountainWings.com.
I was parked in front of the church cleaning out my Jeep. I was waiting on someone. Coming my way from across the street was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don't want to be bothered. This was one of those "don't want to be bothered times."
"I hope he doesn't ask me for any money," I thought.
He didn't.
He came and sat on the wall in front of the bus stop to wait on the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. "That's a very pretty Jeep," he said. He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard keep more than his face warm.
I said, "thanks," and continued cleaning out the Jeep.
He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, "ask him if he needs any help." I was sure that he would say "yes" but I held true to the inner voice.
"Do you need any help?" I asked.
He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and acomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.
"Don't we all?" he said.
I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun. Don't we all?
I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to take a cab anywhere in the city and get food and shelter for the day.
Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help.
Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that. You never know when you may see someone who appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don't have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see.
Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves. Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, "go minister to that man cleaning the Jeep, that man needs help."
Don't we all?
~A MountainWings Original~
The above is from Mountain Wings. This item can be found at: http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1081.htm
Saturday, January 12, 2008
What we hope to do
"The guests at a certain hotel were being made uncomfortable by the repeated strumming on a piano by a little girl who possessed no musical knowledge. They complained to the owner with the hope of having the annoyance stopped.
‘I am sorry you are annoyed,’ he said. ‘But the girl is the child of one of my very best guests. I can hardly ask her not to touch the piano. But her father, who is away for a day or so, will return tomorrow. You can approach him and have the matter settled.’
When the father returned, be found his daughter in the reception room thumping on the piano. He walked up behind the child, put his arms over her shoulders, took her hands in his, and produced some beautiful music.
So may it be with us, and so will it be some day. Just now, we can produce only clamor and disharmony; but, one day, the Lord Jesus will take hold of our hands of faith and prayer and use them to bring forth the music of the skies. "—Anonymous.
Unfortunately, the above only applies to those of us who have accepted the Lord Jesus as our Saviour and Lord. If the reader is not one who believes yet, may we suggest that you visit the following web page and read about God's Love: http://www.ingalls5.com
Have a good day.
‘I am sorry you are annoyed,’ he said. ‘But the girl is the child of one of my very best guests. I can hardly ask her not to touch the piano. But her father, who is away for a day or so, will return tomorrow. You can approach him and have the matter settled.’
When the father returned, be found his daughter in the reception room thumping on the piano. He walked up behind the child, put his arms over her shoulders, took her hands in his, and produced some beautiful music.
So may it be with us, and so will it be some day. Just now, we can produce only clamor and disharmony; but, one day, the Lord Jesus will take hold of our hands of faith and prayer and use them to bring forth the music of the skies. "—Anonymous.
Unfortunately, the above only applies to those of us who have accepted the Lord Jesus as our Saviour and Lord. If the reader is not one who believes yet, may we suggest that you visit the following web page and read about God's Love: http://www.ingalls5.com
Have a good day.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Two good jokes
Today's CleanLaugh - "Failing Eyesight"
An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly.
She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch.
When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?"
Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing."
"Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward the tree, and collided with a cow.
-------------------------------
Today's CleanPun - "Prison Quartet"
While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
"This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
The above is from:
The Cybersalt Digest a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly.
She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch.
When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?"
Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing."
"Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward the tree, and collided with a cow.
-------------------------------
Today's CleanPun - "Prison Quartet"
While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
"This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
The above is from:
The Cybersalt Digest a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Thursday, January 10, 2008
New Blog Design and Granddaughter
Greetings,
We have elected to go with a slightly different design on our Blog. We hope you like it.
Since Christmas I have been busy nursing a broken left heel. Not much fun. In a couple of weeks the cast will come off and I will graduate to a "walking boot." We would have been leaving tomorrow for a church building job but that activity is out for the next two or three months.
For a Christmas present we received a picture of our newest granddaughter. We will post it here of all to see. She is 18 months old. Larry and Linda got her from China in August.
Here is a good one to close with:
Attitudes
==========
Attitudes are contagious,
...is Yours worth catching?
==========
Attitudes are contagious,
...is Yours worth catching?
~A MountainWings Original by Edie from Siletz, OR~
Thursday, December 20, 2007
12 Days of Christmas - PC Version
Today's CleanLaugh - "The 12 Politically Correct Days of Christmas"
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically-imposed midwinter festival, my potential acquaintance gave to me,
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18 member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)
TEN melanin-deprived, testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically-disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally-protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen, nonhuman animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally-sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after a member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled, processed tree carcasses,
and a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
The above is from:
The Cybersalt Digest a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically-imposed midwinter festival, my potential acquaintance gave to me,
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18 member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)
TEN melanin-deprived, testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically-disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally-protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen, nonhuman animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally-sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after a member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled, processed tree carcasses,
and a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
The above is from:
The Cybersalt Digest a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
Friday, December 14, 2007
Christmas Love
The following illustration is from:
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
I don't usually go for different versions of the "Love Chapter" (1 Corinthians 13), but I like this one.
+++++++++++++++++++
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen,
baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
preparing gourmet meals
and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime:
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another cook.
If I work at a soup kitchen
carol in the nursing home,
and give all that I have to charity;
but do not show love to my family,
it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels
and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties
and sing in the choir's cantata
but do not focus on Christ,
I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home
that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way,
but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return;
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things
endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break,
pearl necklaces will be lost,
golf clubs will rust;
But giving the gift of love will endure.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communicationshttp://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
I don't usually go for different versions of the "Love Chapter" (1 Corinthians 13), but I like this one.
+++++++++++++++++++
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen,
baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
preparing gourmet meals
and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime:
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another cook.
If I work at a soup kitchen
carol in the nursing home,
and give all that I have to charity;
but do not show love to my family,
it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels
and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties
and sing in the choir's cantata
but do not focus on Christ,
I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home
that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way,
but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return;
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things
endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break,
pearl necklaces will be lost,
golf clubs will rust;
But giving the gift of love will endure.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
An Advent Lesson
The following is from John Mark Reynolds Blog.
Turning a Corner to Paradise: An Advent Lesson
Advent remembers and anticipates two appearances of Christ. First, we recall his Incarnation when the Word became Flesh. Second, we look forward to his Second Coming when He will come as King to rule on the Earth.
Mary and Joseph went on a weary journey and suddenly Bethlehem was not just a little town anymore.
They turned a corner and Paradise came down.
Someday, perhaps soon, we will turn a corner and the trumpet will sound, the dead will rise, and Christ will return.
We will turn a corner and Paradise will come down.
Mongolia is not Los Angeles, but it was a classroom for me about this reality.
A group of about twenty Torrey Honors students and my family went at the invitation of Campus Crusade and the Mongolian government to do a series of meetings in the schools. Watching my students respond, mostly without complaint, to difficult circumstances showed their quality. Having a chance to share the gospel with them, seeing what we had learned in the classroom matter in eternity, revealed what we had done well in Torrey and what we could do better.
Most of all I remember seeing an upperclassman, Angela Good, come into her own. She loved missions, education, and great conversations and we were involved in all three. We were all moved by teachers forced to do great work with poor resources.
Angie came home and began a Torrey project to send school supplies to those teachers. It was one of her last acts. She would graduate to a greater school that fall following a car accident.
From the moment I got what my family now simply calls “the call,” I have seldom forgotten that what we do is not the only thing that impacts eternity. We are, all of us, just one step from the eternal Kingdom. I have never forgotten Angie and I have never forgotten the truth that any one of us might turn a corner and find ourselves with Christ in Paradise.
What have you done about it?
Turning a Corner to Paradise: An Advent Lesson
Advent remembers and anticipates two appearances of Christ. First, we recall his Incarnation when the Word became Flesh. Second, we look forward to his Second Coming when He will come as King to rule on the Earth.
Mary and Joseph went on a weary journey and suddenly Bethlehem was not just a little town anymore.
They turned a corner and Paradise came down.
Someday, perhaps soon, we will turn a corner and the trumpet will sound, the dead will rise, and Christ will return.
We will turn a corner and Paradise will come down.
Mongolia is not Los Angeles, but it was a classroom for me about this reality.
A group of about twenty Torrey Honors students and my family went at the invitation of Campus Crusade and the Mongolian government to do a series of meetings in the schools. Watching my students respond, mostly without complaint, to difficult circumstances showed their quality. Having a chance to share the gospel with them, seeing what we had learned in the classroom matter in eternity, revealed what we had done well in Torrey and what we could do better.
Most of all I remember seeing an upperclassman, Angela Good, come into her own. She loved missions, education, and great conversations and we were involved in all three. We were all moved by teachers forced to do great work with poor resources.
Angie came home and began a Torrey project to send school supplies to those teachers. It was one of her last acts. She would graduate to a greater school that fall following a car accident.
From the moment I got what my family now simply calls “the call,” I have seldom forgotten that what we do is not the only thing that impacts eternity. We are, all of us, just one step from the eternal Kingdom. I have never forgotten Angie and I have never forgotten the truth that any one of us might turn a corner and find ourselves with Christ in Paradise.
What have you done about it?
Three Things To Think About
1. Cows
2. The Constitution, and
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves also, right to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shall Not Steal,' 'Thou Shall Not Covet', and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
2. The Constitution, and
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves also, right to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shall Not Steal,' 'Thou Shall Not Covet', and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Volkswagen Beetle and the Rolls Royce
Volkswagen Beetle and the Rolls Royce
A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do.."
"I got one too... see?" the Texan says.
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."
"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan.
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? Its right here!" brags the Texan.
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, "So, do you have a double bed in back there?"
The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Texan replies.
The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives allover town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.
The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.
======================= (It's ok... The joke is CLEAN.)======================
The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy with the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan, "What's up?"
"Check this out...I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
The Texan exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?"
Received from Max Lee.
--
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20071127
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do.."
"I got one too... see?" the Texan says.
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."
"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan.
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? Its right here!" brags the Texan.
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, "So, do you have a double bed in back there?"
The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Texan replies.
The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives allover town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.
The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.
======================= (It's ok... The joke is CLEAN.)======================
The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy with the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan, "What's up?"
"Check this out...I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
The Texan exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?"
Received from Max Lee.
--
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20071127
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Saturday, November 24, 2007
How to "Spin" the truth
Republican Version
Hillary Clinton's great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in
character, was Hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana.
He was hanged in 1889. The only known Photograph of Remus shows him
standing on the Gallows.
On the back of the picture is this Inscription: "Remus Rodham; horse
thief, sent to Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, Robbed the
Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted
and hanged in 1889."
Democrat Version
Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His
business empire grew to Include acquisition of valuable equestrian
assets And intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in
1883, he devoted several years of his Life to service at a government
facility, finally Taking leave to resume his dealings with the
Railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital Investigation run
by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away
during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform
upon which he was standing collapsed.
Hillary Clinton's great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in
character, was Hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana.
He was hanged in 1889. The only known Photograph of Remus shows him
standing on the Gallows.
On the back of the picture is this Inscription: "Remus Rodham; horse
thief, sent to Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, Robbed the
Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted
and hanged in 1889."
Democrat Version
Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His
business empire grew to Include acquisition of valuable equestrian
assets And intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in
1883, he devoted several years of his Life to service at a government
facility, finally Taking leave to resume his dealings with the
Railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital Investigation run
by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away
during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform
upon which he was standing collapsed.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Cherokee Legend
-------------------------------------------------
Cherokee Legend
================
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
~Author Unknown~
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/7316.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
Give a friend the gift of MountainWings.
See you tomorrow.
Cherokee Legend
================
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
~Author Unknown~
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/7316.htm
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
Give a friend the gift of MountainWings.
See you tomorrow.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
The Parachute
The Parachute?
===============
Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate,
was a jet fighter pilot in Vietnam.
After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a
surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy
hands. He was captured and spent six years in a communist
Vietnamese prison.
He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from
that experience.
One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant,
a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew
jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk.
You were shot down!"
"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute," the man replied.
Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude.
The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"
Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked,
I wouldn't be here today."
Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man.
Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he might have looked like in
a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom
trousers.
I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said
"Good morning," "How are you?" or anything because, you see,
I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor.
Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long
wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the
shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his
hands each time, the fate of someone he didn't know.
Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?"
Everyone has someone who provides what he or she needs to make
it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many
kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy
territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental
parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute.
He called on all these supports before reaching safety.
Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss
what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or
thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has
happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice
for no reason.
As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize
those people who pack your parachute.
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1200.htm
===============
Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate,
was a jet fighter pilot in Vietnam.
After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a
surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy
hands. He was captured and spent six years in a communist
Vietnamese prison.
He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from
that experience.
One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant,
a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew
jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk.
You were shot down!"
"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute," the man replied.
Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude.
The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"
Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked,
I wouldn't be here today."
Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man.
Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he might have looked like in
a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom
trousers.
I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said
"Good morning," "How are you?" or anything because, you see,
I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor.
Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long
wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the
shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his
hands each time, the fate of someone he didn't know.
Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?"
Everyone has someone who provides what he or she needs to make
it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many
kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy
territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental
parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute.
He called on all these supports before reaching safety.
Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss
what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or
thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has
happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice
for no reason.
As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize
those people who pack your parachute.
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1200.htm
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
The Grade
-------------------------------------------------
The Grade
==========
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior
organic biology students about to hand out the final
exam.
"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this
semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and
many of you are off to medical school after summer. So
that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have
been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would
like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the
course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up,
walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his
offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked
out over the handful of remaining students and asked,
"Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those
students remaining.
"I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said.
"You all get 'A's."
How many have taken the easy way out?
The short road, the easy path, the light load,
all lead to lower grades in the school of life.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1198.htm
The Grade
==========
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior
organic biology students about to hand out the final
exam.
"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this
semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and
many of you are off to medical school after summer. So
that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have
been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would
like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the
course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up,
walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his
offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked
out over the handful of remaining students and asked,
"Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those
students remaining.
"I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said.
"You all get 'A's."
How many have taken the easy way out?
The short road, the easy path, the light load,
all lead to lower grades in the school of life.
Forward this issue to a friend or send them the link below:
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/1198.htm
Friday, September 28, 2007
We are home
We returned home on Tuesday the 25th after traveling 3856 miles and being gone 49 days.
The trip went well with no trouble with the truck or RV.
Colorado was beautiful in fall color and cool.
It is good to be home.
The trip went well with no trouble with the truck or RV.
Colorado was beautiful in fall color and cool.
It is good to be home.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
In Denver
Greetings,
We got to the Denver area Saturday evening, the 11th.
The trip went very well with no problems with the vehicles.
The weather was very hot but then that was to be expected.
Larry and family will be flying to China on Thursday. That is when we will put our RV in storage and move into their house until they return.
That is all for now.
We got to the Denver area Saturday evening, the 11th.
The trip went very well with no problems with the vehicles.
The weather was very hot but then that was to be expected.
Larry and family will be flying to China on Thursday. That is when we will put our RV in storage and move into their house until they return.
That is all for now.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
HOLY LAUGHS FOR THE DAY
Probably you have seen these but they are good for a laugh and/or smile. Good lessons and stories too.
HOLY LAUGHS FOR THE DAY
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
HOLY LAUGHS FOR THE DAY
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign..."Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay, said his father. So, son, what does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay, said his father. So, son, what does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ooooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to my friends.
May your troubles be less, your blessings be more and nothing but happiness come through your door _________________________________________________________________
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