More from the Humor File and More

A preacher was winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor: “If I had at all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”

The congregation cried, “Amen!”

“And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river.

The congregation cried, “Amen!”

“And if I had all the whiskey and the rum in the world, I’d take it all and throw it in the river.”

And the congregation cried, “Amen!”

After the sermon the preacher sat down. The deacon stood up: “For our closing hymn,” he announced, “let us turn to page 126 and sing, ‘We Shall Gather at the River.”

[forwarded by Robert Conner]
Mikey’s Thot for the Day:A hen is an egg’s way of making another egg.
This came from Mikey's Funnies.com which has apparently shut down.

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Beaurocatic Thinking

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said “someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.” So they laid off the night watchman.

Author unknown

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Aliterated Prodigal Son:

The Final Fixing of the Foolish Fugitive

Feeling footloose, fancy-free and frisky, this feather-brained fellow finagled his fond father into forking over his fortune. Forthwith, he fled for foreign fields and frittered his farthings feasting fabulously with fair-weather friends. Finally, fleeced by those folly tilled fellows and facing famine, he found himself a feed finger in a filthy farm-lot. He fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from fodder fragments.

“Fooey! My father’s flunkies fare far fancier,” the frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing fact.

Frustrated from failure and filled with forebodings, he fled for his family. Falling at his father’s feet, he floundered forlornly. “Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited further family favors. .“

But the faithful father, forestalling further flinching, frantically flagged his flunkies to fetch forth the finest fatling and fix a feast.

But the fugitive’s fault finding frater, faithfully farming his father’s fields for free, frowned at this fickle forgiveness of former falderal. His fury flashed, but fussing was futile.

His foresighted father figured, “Such filial fidelity is fine, but what forbids fervent festivities? The fugitive is found! Unfurl the flags! With fanfare flaring, let fun, frolic and frivolity flow freely, former failures forgotten arid folly forsaken. Forgiveness forms a firm foundation for future fortitude.”

Originally composed by Rev. W. O. Taylor, quoted in More Holy Humor, Cal and Rose Samra, Thomas Nelson Publishers, ISBN 0-7852-7156-2, modified by Robert Woodman. Feel free to publish this but leave the copyright information in place.

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The Big Lizard Blog has a very interesting entry proving that what you read in the MSM may be anything but "the truth and nothing but the truth." Click on the Link at the bottom for the Blog.

Also Black Five has a good article titled: "The Words of An Israeli Army Captain". Very Inspiring. Be sure to read the comments section at the bottom.