An Old File

Ran across a large file yesterday that had been collected while my wife and I put out the church news letter. Most of what is in the file is humorous. Thought the reader would appreciate the following. Hope your sense of humor comes close to mine. Enjoy.

Thought you might like this one. . .Sweetie Pie

An elderly gent was invited to his old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms -- calling her Honey, My Love,Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they were still very clearly in love.

While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago."

Contributed by Mary Vaughn

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One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car.

So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver.

The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some."

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Two church members were witnessing door to door and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, however, the door did not close -- in fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result -- the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."

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FAITH & FAMILY

"When we move beyond talk about good and evil, when the language of virtue and vice is 'transcended', we are left with the cruel gruel of values-talk. How very democratic values-talk is: Unlike virtues, everyone has lots of values, as many as they choose. Hitler had scads of values. George Washington had virtues. Who among those who knew him would have spoken of Washington's 'values'"?

"Values-talk comes naturally to a nonjudgmental age -- an age judgmental primarily about the cardinal sin of being judgmental. It is considered broad-minded to say, 'One person's values are as good as another's.' It is nonsense to say, 'One person's virtues are as good as another's. ' Values are an equal-opportunity business: They are mere choices. Virtues are habits, difficult to develop and therefore not equally accessible to all."

"Speaking of virtues rather than values is elitist, offensive to democracy's egalitarian, leveling ethos. Which is why talk of virtues should be received . .. .[D}emocracy requires the cultivation of certain preventative virtues that counter certain tendencies of democracy."

-- George Will

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The following was received today from the Good Clean Funnies List (GCFL)

The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water.

Secret Service guys start to launch a boat, but President Bush waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry." Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over, picks it up, and then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning, the headlines in the New York Times, Boston Globe, Atlanta Constitution, Washington Post, Boston Herald, Buffalo News, Houston Chronicle, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal, Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, Los Angeles Times, and San Francisco Chronicle all proclaim:

"Bush Can't Swim!"

Received from Tim Krell.
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Now that you have had your daily dose of humor it is time to read a very sobering article about the current condition in the Middle East. Click on the link that take one to "The American Thinker."